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 Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:58 am

Finishing my July comments:

Ty Pender - I'm enjoying the idea of interchangeable outlaws.  Sort of like a matched set of Transformer toys.  Ernest Tubbs...snicker. thumbsup   Favorite insightful line:

“That’s fair.  But I think what you really want is to make sure your story does not compete with what the audience wants Heyes and the Kid to be, right?”



InsideOutlaw - Heyes is a genius!  (You too, I.O.)  Nice visual with your opening sentence.  yes  


JoAnn - They say the best writers write from personal experience.  Sure looks like you are making good use of yours.  The closing two lines hang like an ominous storm cloud.  Very nicely done! cool 


Penski -  Smart thinking on the Kid's part!  (Yours too!)  I'm really glad that KC was making sure ALL the gang practiced, even HH.  Very enjoyable story.
 two thumbs 


Remuda -  A tug of war!  Oh, I could almost hear Howard Cosell's voice in the background!  Talk about a Battle of the Stars... Fun read, Remuda.
 applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:32 pm

Allegra
This is cute and very entertaining. Very clever to contrast the World Cup finalists and their team styles of one star and complete team, respectively, to the boys' talk of separating and partnership. The squabbling suits them as a team; they wouldn't know what to do apart. Nicely done.

Maz
Fun scenario. Even as a youngster, Jed knew better than to tell Heyes too much, but he regretted it as soon as he slipped. Perhaps Heyes can help refine the entry, and they win and take the trip together. More likely not, but they tried. Good to see another Ranch Days segment.

Ty Pender
Unique take with the actors as identical twins interchanging the parts. Never mind the writers' competition, the twins are competing with each other as much as the characters they play, or better. Fun banter throughout.

Inside Outlaw
Short and sweet. An ingenious Hannibal Heyes plan to keep the gang members occupied and get necessary cleaning done whilst calling it a game. It's a good thing they'll all win in the end. Methinks they'd have Heyes' hide if they found out. Well done.

JoAnn Baker
Sobering piece which started almost as a lighthearted lark: Kid Curry against himself. At first I thought the gunfire might attract unwanted attention, but perhaps they're far enough up in the hills not to worry about it. The last two lines are what it's all about, and they know that far too well. A thought-provoking scenario expressed eloquently in a few words. Clapping.

Penski
Cute story. The set-up reminds a bit of the gang that couldn't shoot straight, or at least well. Definitely embarrassing, and possibly fatal if word got out, so the competition could ultimately be life-saving. Glad Heyes was involved as well. I found the repetition with the plate shooting a bit distracting to read but not detracting from the story. Nicely done.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:12 pm

Sister Grace - "Shoes and Brews"! I chuckled aloud at work after a day of sighing. Co-workers wanted to know what was so funny. You need a warning about laughing aloud at the beginning of this piece. And you wrote!! Does that mean the creative juices are flowing again? YAHOO!!! LOVED the thoughts of what Wheat and Kyle could legally do and the names they came up with. Heyes was ever the cynic while the Kid was encouraging. Great challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:12 pm

sistergrace: Wheat and Kyle working together, what could possibly go wrong? Love it. sm 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:42 am

Sistergrace: LOL! I love Wheat and Kyle's business concepts. Especially, the names they are considering. Heyes and the Kid might want to consider that they may be onto something. Who knows, maybe they've found niches that need filling. Thanks for this fun, entertaining tale!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 24, 2014 12:31 am


Just catching up with the rest of July's stories; sorry for the delay...


Penski: Great idea for a story! Loved how you took a small segment of an episode and used it as a springboard. You have Kid showing his smarts here, for sure. Favorite lines: “What’s wrong, Heyes?” “Do you know how bad it’ll look if I lose?” “Yep.”

Remuda: Cute! I liked the vividness of the description of the tug of war (or whatever it was) between Heyes and Curry. My favorite part was when you lined up the other gang members behind one of the leaders; it was interesting to see who you had supporting whom. The punchline was fun--gotta love Kyle!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 24, 2014 10:54 pm


SisterGrace: Aww, I really liked "Shoes and Brews" as the name of their enterprise! And I think it's a great idea, too; makes perfect sense! Was Heyes having a bad day? He should be encouraging his former gang members to go straight instead of belittling their ideas. Fun story and I wish Wheat and Kyle the best!

InsideOutlaw: I really liked the end of this story and I hope you continue with a sequel as there definitely could be one. You got the characterizations of all the boys just right and I can certainly understand Heyes' anger and mortification at being robbed. However, it kinda serves him right!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 24, 2014 11:00 pm

ty pender wrote:
The original formula Arbuckle's is back! According to their website http://www.arbucklecoffee.com they even make it available in an Ekobrew Reusable Filter for the boy's Keurig Brewer (although I don't understand how they could have had one back then....). This coffee is made in Tucson with the dried egg white and sugar coating.  Perhaps one of our members (she knows who she is) can go and taste a cup since she now lives in Tucson.  Can you post your tasting notes? (I hope you are a coffee drinker)

Am just reading your comment now... LOL...I was looking something up a week or so ago and discovered that the current iteration of Arbuckle's is manufactured in Tucson! And my reaction was: Where is the factory and can I go visit?! I will definitely let the board know if and when I find out anything. And, yes, I am a coffee drinker (as well as tea and assorted other beverages.)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:33 am

InsideOutlaw - Beautiful summery sunny sounds in your opening paragraph. This story is a full-length adventure packed into a challenge-sized package, complimented by some really great lines, like this one:

You can’t be tired, Heyes, not if you want to keep breathin’.

Cute picture of Heyes waking up too. Heyes shows his wisdom with this line:

If I don’t go after them, the boys will lose respect for me. I can’t let that happen.

I really like how you danced around the prompt theme without actually using the words. applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:49 pm

Inside Outlaw - Two riders... What?  It's the other blond?  Surprised me from the get-go since I'm so use to Heyes and the Kid being together.  Not paying attention = problems coming up.  Yep!  Didn't recognize Heyes as leader of the Devil's Hole gang but as the gambler.  That can be a good thing, I'm thinking.  I can see the gang laughing at their leader getting robbed and Heyes, angry & frustrated, drinking too much.  Make sense that Heyes would want to go after the robbers with the Kid.  Can't let the gang know he's weak.  Wonderful challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Fri Aug 29, 2014 1:12 pm

I guess Heyes don't like to lose does he, Inside Outlaw? Good piece of writing. sm

OOh and Kyle has volunteered to carry the dynamite...you sure that's a good idea, Penski? excited

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 31, 2014 1:09 am

1) Sister Grace
You know what, I actually think Kyle and Wheat’s business idea sounds great, AND I love the name. Heyes, you could have be missing out by over thinking y’know. Smile. Standing by that forge watching your horse get shoed, you’d get all hot and… Yeah, could work.
Shoes and Brews – YES!
Hauling A…. You are a naughty gal, Sister. LOLed at that. Once I got it.

2) InsideOutlaw
NO! Don’t eat any unusual mushrooms Kyle. Not even – or especially – if they look ‘magic’.
Take the hat? TAKE THE HAT??? Okay, Inside – that mean fella is really you in disguise isn’t it?
Come on Heyes. We know it’s not the horse the gun or your pride that you’re really going after. Double smile. Otherwise you’d be a tad more philosophical on getting robbed, on the ‘what goes around, comes around’ principle.

3) Penski
Oh I say, nothing left but hat and boots!! Is he really day or simply hiding nekkid and embarrassed somewhere? AH!! This is Kyle’s chance for a sideways promotion.
Wrong answer in there. Consider it beta’ed to:
“How much should you use, Kyle.”
“ALL of it!!!”
(Only teasing)
Loved it, Penski.

4) Ty pender
Okay… so maybe they get to be heroes because they recover robbery money and maybe do a good turn (though not a completely altruistic one, ‘cos that isn’t our boys) for Alva??
Where better to tuck away your hoard than Tuckaway? Smile.
Oh no! Still, since the title is ‘Disastrous Enterprises’ I guess I should have been expecting a blow from behind.
Ty! Is their blood and aching muscles you giving the gals just a smidgeon of hurt and comfort??? Of course to do it properly there has to be shirt ripping (teasing.)
Will and Walt??? Well I guess it coulda been Will and Wont.
OH!! Nice denoument, Ty! Not so disastrous after all. Clever. And not over-signalled either, didn’t see it coming.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:25 am

Penski:  LOL, even Kyle has his boundaries.  He's a smart man to leave the nitro to Heyes.  I enjoyed your tale of how he came to be the Hole's dynamite man.

Ty Pender:  Lucky for our boys that this didn't turn out to be such a disastrous enterprise for them.  Don't they know not to trust a fellow thief? sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 31, 2014 1:47 pm

Ty Pender....nice plotting, a mine disaster and...what the heck?? Will and Walt? Are you sure?? lol2

Oh Bison's yearly tale and a young Heyes is seen all tousled and innocent as to the full story. Nice one.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Aug 31, 2014 5:49 pm

Ty Pender - Typically beginning with the boys out of money and needing a job. Liked the different stories in the newspaper. Oh, so there's a bounty hunter in the area that might know them - careful boys! Meeting up with a disillusioned outlaw who wants to go straight too - glad they're gonna help him. OUCH - we sure do hit them on the head a lot in our stories (being a former outlaw must be more dangerous than a football player when it comes to concussions). Theron and Millard - those are new names to me (like 'em). OH, so their demise will be good for Heyes and Curry, aka Will and Walt. Good challenge.

Bison1 - I was wondering where you were... missed you! Heyes and Curry must've moved to drought-stricken California with the oppressive heat and land drying up. Aww... Heyes is a daddy and Curry is an uncle! Loved the story and that Heyes named his son after Seth. Don't be a stranger, Bison!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:15 am

Penski: Ohh, I like this!  I knew it couldn't be Kyle from the timeline you gave at the beginning but still…  An enjoyable story with a plot I haven't seen used before.  And I like how you made Kyle out to be reasonably intelligent.  Great ending.  I really liked reading all the dynamite facts--you certainly did your research!  Favorite part: You love blowin’ things up?” the Kid repeated.  “Yeah.  You like shootin’ things, don’t you?”  Heyes snickered into his hand.

Ty Pender: I am wondering if the newspaper snippets are authentic--can you please let us know?  Loved the beginning and the desperation of the boys, and then their excitement at the end.  But poor Lom!  Favorite line: “Maybe he’s a handsome charmer, blond hair, blue eyes; but just another slick crook underneath.”

Bison1: Aww, that was lovely!  Sweet but not saccharine.  You balanced the two stories really well.  Another original idea and very well done.  I really liked this line: He decided to try to open his eyes, but failed.

Remuda: I really enjoyed this!  At first, I thought Heyes was the narrator but then it became clear it was someone else; a woman, I'm presuming from the tone.  Clever story, most especially the last paragraph.  Favorite line: A once happy childhood blasted to pieces by war?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:04 am

Bison1: So glad to see you again and you brought us a story, too! What a nicely drawn picture of a father and son. I loved the little details that speak volumes--Heyes reaching out to steady the back of his son's chair until he was settled. Young Seth learning the full story of his namesake, learning a lot more about the characters of his father and uncle, and showing his solidarity at the end. applause

Remuda: What to write, what to write? We've all been in that position at one time or another. Too funny that he rejects his two characters at the end and then wonders what Mr. Twain is up to.

Ghislaine: Ugh, I'm assuming that the smell was dead pack rats under the house or in one wall or another. It was pitiful to 'see' the boys so industrious while trying to make a home only to lose it to the elements. The desert is a harsh environment in the best of times. Wyoming? Not a good choice, boys.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:27 am

Remuda - Writer's block... don't ya hate that!  Moving on from Heyes and Curry to Mark Twain.

Ghislaine - A deserted cabin the boys can make into a home with a lot of hard work.  Love the dreamer in Heyes as he envisions a what it can look like.  Dang animals and smells and drought forcing them to abandon the cabin.  So why did you move into the desert?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:59 am

Remuda and Ghislaine...you wire dodgers you!

Ooh who is the mysterious pen-man-woman? What will they actually write about the boys?

And Ghis...just when they thought they had found somewhere nice to live...you send them on their way.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:43 pm

Sister Grace: I don't know, seems to me that Wheat and Kyle had a pretty good business idea. Provide the horse-shoeing and waiting room services together under one roof -- why not? Love the business names they came up with.

Inside Outlaw: You paint a picture of the scene so vividly, I really feel like I am there. I'm not, by the way. Neither Heyes nor Kyle were paying attention to what was happening around them, poor habits for a couple of crooks. Curry was right; things go wrong when he and Heyes separate. Looking forward to seeing Heyes' revenge. Yeah, I do like outlaw days stories.

Penski: "Cause I love blowin' things up!" Well, that might not be the best quality for a dynamite man, but you show us how Kyle got enough knowledge to be safe while he blew things up. Love that Kyle knew enough to stay away from nitro. While Kyle likes blowin' stuff up, he won't let himself get blowed up. Very plausible story of how Kyle might have gotten his specific job with the DHG.

Ty Pender: Nice introductory scene with the boys reading the newspaper and talking about the stories. But they didn't think things through, did they, when Alva tells them where the money is. They kind of forgot about the other two surviving gang members, because they probably got a little carried away. Wow. Now they are free - or are they? Would love to see you explore their lives after this story.

Bison1: Good to see you again! What a sweet, sad tale. Nice to have our heroes settled, having a good life, but still remembering and honoring the people they cared about.

Remuda: you captured what so many of us feel and think -- well, at least what I've felt and thought. And you provided lots of ideas. Thank you!

Ghislaine: I read your post about your new home. Now I know where your "Bunny" came from. You turned something nasty into a good story, albeit a sad one for our boys. Looks like Arizona will be inspiring for you, and the rest of us will get to enjoy your wonderful stores. That's what I call a win-win situation.





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PostSubject: Wyoming Newspapers   Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:19 pm

Ghislaine Emrys was asking whether the newspaper quotes were real/unreal.

They are real and from the same paper...here is the website:

http://newspapers.wyo.gov/

Happy Hunting for story ideas!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:25 pm

Continuing with August Comments:

Penski - Your story began with a funeral, yet it took a pleasant, lighthearted turn.  Some great info about dynamite included too.  I really enoyed the ending, with not even Kyle being crazy enough to fool around with nitro!  But my favorite line came from Preacher.  "The Lord will provide."  I found myself chuckling and wondering... Would the Good Lord really provide a new dynamite fella for a gang of outlaws?  bandit


ty pender - Digging in a mineshaft could certainly be a disastrous enterprise!  Then again, so could robbing banks and trains. Happy trails to Will and Walt!  Favorite line:  “Any names are better than Smith and Jones; that doesn’t mean they’re good names.”
 yes


Bison1 - What a heart-warming continuation of a favorite episode!  You've written Heyes well as a gentle father. My favorite part of this story is the way you intertwined Curry's emotions with the oppressive heat and the cleansing rain.     sunny


Remuda - I liked the idea of the "writer" pondering his/her writing instrument.  The closing line was very, very good! study


Ghislaine - Despite the trials, I really hope you are HAPPY in your new home!  Since this "Disastrous Enterprise" closely parallels your recent move, I'm wondering... Did you REALLY go a whole month without bathing???  Thanks for the entertraining read!
rubberducky

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:26 pm

ty pender - Oh! Hearing that the newspaper quotes are real makes your story even better! cool

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Sep 07, 2014 9:24 pm

Sister Grace
LOL! Fun take on Wheat and Kyle as business partners. Gotta admit, though, that Kyle's got quite the imagination when it comes to business-appropriate names for their enterprise(s). Yep, was lovin' the "Haulin' A..." What a hoot! Clapping!

Inside Outlaw
Nicely written account of lost pride and anger. Love the descriptive narration; it let us in to the scene and all going on within it in a very sensory way. Can see both boys' sides, but ultimately Heyes is right; they'll have to go after them. This line made me laugh out loud, "Go…away,” growled the bedroll." and fun how Heyes seems to value his hat more than his pride, "They took my gun, my horse, my pride, and my hat." Is this the beginning of another, longer adventure? Would love to read more.

Penski
Cute story about Kyle's coming to dynamite, with a come to meetin', funereal beginning, reminding us of that aspect of the job. You handled the fun/sober duality well while still getting in some good lines, especially Kyle's explanation, "'Cause I love blowin’ things up!" As well, for all his seeming ignorance, Kyle is no fool -- he'll leave the really dangerous stuff, nitro, to Heyes. Enjoyed the research. Well done!

Ty Pender
The boys must have really been down on their luck and out of it since they entered this enterprise without thinking it through very well. I wondered if Heyes especially was all there in the head, but then he and Curry both were knocked unconscious, although afterwards neither seemed too much the worse for wear. Great premise, though, and I too would love to see where this might go. My favorite line was also the one about the blond, blue-eyed charmer/slick crook previously quoted; I wonder who that description fits so well... Nicely done!

Bison
Lovely, reflective piece on the aftermath of a tragedy, though many years later. This is very visual with some nice details strewn throughout -- the observation about kids' seeming immunity from the heat, Heyes' steadying his son's chair, Kid's repetition of jobs so recently done. A boy growing up can appreciate the somberness of a moment, for a little while at least: Catching raindrops on his tongue will win out, though. Good to see you posting again; hope it will be more often.

Ghislaine
Congrats on your move but sorry to hear of your run in with critters, even if they did inspire a story. This is hopeful but heartbreaking, and very well written. Is this the beginning of our two industrious lads not wanting any more back-breaking work? I think it's interesting that, although the desert was not kind in their youth, they later returned as ex-outlaws, seemingly often. Nice continuation of your series; hope to see more soon, and glad you're writing again.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Mon Sep 08, 2014 9:07 pm

Ty Pender - My, were you a preacher in a former life? You could've been with that sermon. Loved how Curry's mind wandered back to being a kid and fishing during the sermon, but quickly came back when he was being mentioned in it. Heyes and Curry as saints and deacons... if the pastor only knew! Heyes and Curry as deputies... if the sheriff only knew! Good challenge!
(pssttt... it's Heyes, not Hayes)

Maz - WHAT?!? You left us with a cliff-hanger? You better be typing away and finishing this here piece! I could hear Heyes and the Kid coming out of the cabin and adjusting their hats as they talked about a job. Kyle might have a good idea? Kyle? Loved this line - “I reckon we got about…” Kyle appeared to do some complicated arithmetic in his head. “We got a lot.” OH NO... Another great line - “Could we focus on my eyes?” Heyes asked his face contorted in pain. I can't image what the Kid, Kyle and Wheat were thinking with Heyes' last line. A break? You're taking a break? TYPE!!! And you thought the Kid was proddy!

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