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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:33 pm

Finally getting to read the rest of the October stories...

Penski - So now we know where Kid gets his penchant for helping the ladies...and maybe a little innate tendency towards thievery... ;) His mother really was a crook. Very nice story of how Kid's parents met.

Cruella - Childhood stories are so fun! Jed's temperment stayed pretty much the same when he got older. It was great that Heyes saw what his aunt did, and that he was planning on taking that snake to church. He probably still had something up his sleeve though when he turned and winked. Good story!

Claybank - Love this story! Very visual and I liked the way you left it to the reader to decide who the rider was. Really liked this line:

“Now, you will walk nicely, or I will pull my gun and put a bullet between your ears. I don’t think there would be much in its path. Do I make myself clear?” The horse walked calmly.

Good job!

InsideOutlaw - Wonderful excerpt from your story (which I haven't gotten to read all of it yet, but love what I have read!) Love this scene and these lines especially:

“Can’t you stay out of trouble for one minute?”
Heyes smiled, “Man insulted my aunt. What was I to do?”

Looking forward to more of this!

Remuda - This was wonderful! You always seem to get the dialog spot on. Loved that Han was no longer interested in the party when he learned the truth. It had me laughing!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Nov 15, 2013 5:22 pm

Gee Maz, I certainly hope this is going to be continued! Which partner is in jail awaiting the verdict and just how will the geriatric gang help him out? I sure could relate to a bad hip hurting when he rode for too long. Old Wheat needs a shot of cortisone maybe! For some reason I kept picturing Tim Conway.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Nov 15, 2013 5:43 pm

I want this to continue, too. The Over-the-Hill,-and-Tripped-in-the-Hole-Gang, eh? Sounds like you read about the real Kid Curry's last train robbery. At least whichever boy made the attempted hold up survived, unlike the real Kid.

Funny, Kyle not knowing what a bunion is, just that his foot is too large for his boot! I enjoyed the dialog, especially this:

Kyle lowered his voice to a whisper. “Well, I brought dynamite.”

“What? Speak up; you know ma hearin’s goin’.”

“I said I brought dynamite.”




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Nov 15, 2013 6:45 pm

Oh Maz, this hit a little too close to home! Aching back, poor hearing, bunions . . . thank goodness there were no women at Devil's Hole, or we'd have hot flashes here too! Laughing I'd love to hear how the Over the Hill Gang does a jailbreak. Are you planning to continue this? I hope so. You're taking a whole new angle to the jailbreak story, and I'd like to see where it goes.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:52 pm

Now, I know why Lobo is in the gang! Who would have thought he was such a good shot?

This is my favorite exchange in the story:

Heyes looked around for a moment and then pulled out his gun, handing it to Curry.

“Your gun!?! You want me to use your gun as a hammer?!? Heyes, you gotta be kiddin’!” Laughing 

Penski, you managed to combine Thanksgiving and a Verdict into one story. Excellent!



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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:14 pm

Shoot... I'm gettin' as old and forgetful as Wheat and Kyle - forgot to comment on a challenge.  No 
 
Maz - So many wonderful lines and so many questions you leave us with.  Love the comparison of the aches and pains, especially Kyle's line - “I know you do, you’re always tellin’ me about ‘em..."  So it sounds like Wheat and Kyle haven't been together all this time with this line - Kyle was more hunched over than he had been the last time they’d met.  And who is in jail... what partner died?  And why was he jumping for a train?  The back seizing up makes it sound like Heyes, but the line about "not a man to be feared" kinda sounds like the Kid.  I think I'm going to stay with it being Heyes and the Kid having died.  So sad that amnesty, obviously, never came to them if one is arrested.  Another great scene is Wheat asking Kyle to speak up when he's telling him he has dynamite - I can so picture them doing that!  A wonderful and sad challenge of what they've all become.

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed Nov 27, 2013 2:48 pm

Yay!! Go Lobo!

scratch Although how could they both have helped you with the story? I haven't let Kid out of the basement for weeks Very Happy 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:55 pm

Maz - The Devil's "Ole" Gang? Maybe if wheat and Kyle had been more faithful about their consumption of Doctor Golden's Elixir like Heyes and the Kid... But, what's the verdict?? And... WHO'S the outlaw standin' trial??? Good story! More please!applause 

Penski - That Heyes and Curry are a couple of geniuses, comin'up with a plan like that. Hope the Gang enjoyed their turkey dinner! By the way, how much so you think they'd pay me to cook it for 'em? Fun story!sm 

Remuda - You wrote Kyle's confusion and Wheat's frustration well. Imagine all that thinkin' and jawin' over a horse. Entertaining read!cool 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Nov 30, 2013 8:24 pm

Remuda:

That was a lot of fun, and a unique idea for the month. I had a good chuckle every time Kyle started on that daisy again, knowing Wheat would interrupt him. All that effort,  and not even for a human gal! Poor Wheat, he just doesn't understand Kyle. panda 


InsideOutlaw:

That was a different sort of take on the prompt. Nice twist from the idea of prisoner to attorney. I didn't expect that from the start. Nice to see Judge Handley back on the bench. Good finish. thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 4:54 am

InsideOutlaw - I thought at first this might be a missing scene.  So glad to see the boys finally got their amnesty and it was great to see Judge Handley again.  I especially enjoyed his reaction to seeing Heyes!  Two thumbs up!two thumbs (Is this part of a larger story?)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 5:51 am

Maz: This one struck a little too close to home--I know those aches and pains! Loved the aging outlaws coping with their changes in circumstances and also contemplating a jailbreak. Clever and fun.

Penski: Poor Heyes. Trying to do something nice for his men didn't work out too well, did it? Luckily, he and the Kid came up with a satisfying solution. Hmm, we've got a problem with wild turkeys around here, maybe you could send the boys--all of the boys!

Remuda: Very cute interaction between Wheat and Kyle. Kyle knowing full well what Wheat wanted to hear, but withholding his agreement and Wheat trying to reassure himself that they were partners. One suggestion, though--I think this story should be titled, "He Bugs Me, He Bugs Me Not."


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 6:43 am


1) Maz
Awwww – I sympathise with poor old Kyle and Wheat’s aches and pains. The years get to us all, huh?
So – someone – is getting a possibly medicinally hard mattress for his poor old back.
Sweet, Maz. Still dynamiting after all these years. I said… “STILL DYNA…”

2) Penski
Hope you have both the boys and the bandanny washed and ironed!
Poor old turkeys! Winter must be a constant angst fest for them over the pond – even without the gang on their tracks.
Loving the contest – and of course first go has to be decided by a classic coin spin.
Mew – what a seasonal vignette you gave us there.

3) Remuda
Time for the support players to give us a duologue, huh? (HEY – all the stories so far have Wheat and Kyle in them – is it support your co-stars week?)
Do we all lurve a Kyle mooning? ‘Course we do. Now, is he deliberately winding Wheat up with his misunderstandings – or is it pure natural Kyle-ality?? Poor Wheat whatever the truth of it. It’s all about a horse?? Like Wheat I did not see that coming. Awww – loved seeing that pair centre stage for a change, Remuda.

4) InsideOutlaw
I think I spy a wire dodger here.
Are you playing tricks on us? Is HH now a lawyer?? Reading, reading… Yes!!
Very clever scene there, Inside – liked it a lot.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 2:27 pm

Remuda: Wheat and Kyle talkin' girls...so sweet. Could see him with that daisy.

Inside Outlaw pulled the wool over our eyes for a moment but no all is well and Heyes is legally in the court room..phew.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 6:27 pm

Maz: Well, that was sad!  It started off funny with both men whinging about their aches and pains but then the story morphed into something more serious and somber.  I think it was Heyes who was in jail, because deep down I think Wheat did admire him.  But I like how you didn't actually say.

Penski: I liked the astute comment about the value of reading!  And Kid's shock at using a gun for a hammer--wonder if that made Heyes more proficient at it.  Figures they'd settle the matter with a shoot out.  Why couldn't they just split the prize money???  

Remuda: Gosh, I didn't see that coming!  Good twist at the end.  And fun how Kyle managed to run verbal circles around Wheat, who just might be rethinking that partner thing.  But it was nice of Wheat to try and do a good deed.

InsideOutlaw: Oh, you had me going there for a while!  What a clever plot, and making Heyes face the judge that way.  (I won't be more specific so as not to give anything away.)  Really enjoyed how you rehashed the episode.  Would love to see Heyes and judge face off in court.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:22 pm

Remuda - I like your dialog for Wheat and Kyle better than... well, it really sounded like them!  Very fun how they talked round and around each other, confusing each other.  And all that for a horse.  Very good!
 
Inside Outlaw - Oh, you had me worried at the beginning - what did Heyes do now?  Surprised me!  Love how Judge Hanley called him into his chambers to have a drink and get reacquainted.  A different plan for after amnesty with Heyes being a lawyer and the Kid doing the investigative work - clever!  Really enjoyed this piece!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:42 pm

Maz
Oh gosh, this is too funny! ROFL I had to read it several times to try to get through the whole thing without bursting. And the denouement with the dynamite was perfect. Lots of great lines, my favorite of which was, “I’d be happy just to be able to reach my boots. The ground sure seems to be gettin’ further away each day.” Don't some of us feel like that some days. Although the one sitting in jail could be either partner, I'll guess it's Kid -- just a feelin'. Much clapping!


Penski
Cute story premise, and I liked how you brought Thanksgiving into it given the month. Fun how the boys would want a turkey for the holiday feast, but that surely was an expensive bird -- an inflation calculator says that $100 in 1880 would be $2,343 in today's dollars! No wonder the bunkhouse boys were so eager to find one. Also loved the line about using the gun as a hammer. The ending felt a little flat to me, and like others I also wondered why they didn't just split the prize -- minor stuff, though. Good job!

Inside Outlaw
I really like ASJ courtroom stories and this one delivers. Fun to see Judge Handley again as well. I'm not surprised Heyes and Kid are still partners after the amnesty as they certainly do make a formidable team, better together than apart. When the Judge scowled, I was wondering how quickly he would lock Heyes up and throw away the key, but it's nice to see the mutual respect. I'm presuming Heyes read law, perhaps with Attorney Brubaker, rather than attending law school. The last line is great and really sums it up -- how long before Heyes achieves excellence in law as he did as an outlaw leader? I've no doubt it won't be long. Well done!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:22 pm

Maz, I love the way your mind works. I never would have connected "Fiddler" with "tradition", but now that you've done it, it makes perfect sense. The competitiveness over beard growing between the partners is fun. Great start to the December challenge!two thumbs 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:34 pm

Maz,

Makes sense to me. I perceive that you have written the quintessential Christmas story. This is the ideal story for a gremlin infected forum!. Fabulous, and hysterically funny, you, Maz lady, will have your audience rolling in the aisles-again! I was, while I pictured poor Kid with butterflies before making his entrance. Heyes has the leading role, of course!
Thank you for a wonderful start to the December Challenge.

I almost forgot, Heyes' vanity as he looks into the mirror at his bearded image is a lovely piece of writing.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Dec 06, 2013 6:59 pm

Miz Maz-el: While I quite enjoyed the story, I loved even more your new name!  And, yeah, now that you've connected the word to the musical, I can't think of any other possible storyline!  (Looking forward to seeing what others come up with!)  Heyes is so full of himself--but I guess with a beard like that, he's kind of allowed to be.  yes   (I'm using a green icon to represent Kid's envy!)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:40 am

Maz (-el Tov) - applause wow Two Cantors, Smithanski and Jonesenberg, have stopped by on their way from Penski's to... Whoever's place they're headed to first this month, to offer their special psalm of thanksgiving ...:

If we were two rich men,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long we'd biddy biddy bum.
If we were two wealthy men.
We wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If we were two biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle men.


men5 

(With visions of Topol dancing in my head, I'm motivated to watch "Winds of War.")

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Dec 07, 2013 12:59 pm

PENSKI; Another fine example of Heyes and the Kid finding ways to keep the boys entertained and busy during the slower winter months. They sure do get competitive though, don't they? And it certainly is a sure way to have a turkey for Thanksgiving.

INSIDEOUTLAW; Love this continuation of 'Jailbreak..' Judge Hendly always was a sympathetic supporter of the boys and it's nice to see him still being there for them. Interesting that Heyes would chose to become a lawyer but at least we know he has the perfect 'poker face' for the court room!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:46 pm

Mazel Tov - Love the conceited Heyes staring in the mirror talking THE reluctant Kid into doing what they said they would.  Cute challenge.

RosieAnnie -
Aww... such a sweet interaction between Grandpa and his granddaughters.  Hard to see the Kid getting old and having a problem with his ticker, but he's lucky he made it to a ripe old age with his gunslinging ways as a youth.  I can so see the Kid raising his children the same and encouraging the girls in his family to shoot and hunt.  Nice challenge.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Dec 15, 2013 8:17 pm

RosieAnnie, I think I have a fondness for the Jones family traditions: shooting , hunting, fishing and being unladylike. I am well able to picture the Kid enjoying the idea of thumbing his nose at a snobbish woman, particularly if she snubs his daughter. Katie and Annie's dialog is perfect, and the paragraphs sketching the scene in the parlor, lovely.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Dec 16, 2013 6:22 pm

RosieAnnie - I'll go huntin' and fishin' with Grandpa Jones any day! gonefishing Your challenge gives me a warm, homey, Christmassy feeling! Loving this! Especially Grandpa's interaction with little Annie. Two thumbs up on this story!  two thumbs  I am concerned about Grandpa's heart though.  Sad 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Dec 16, 2013 8:25 pm

RosieAnnie; a very sweet story for sure. But again, just as when I read the first part of this, I felt an aching in my heart over the loss of the partnership. Where was Heyes? And what had happened to drive the two friends apart? So in that sense, it was a sad story, but in the sense of family, and Jed finding peace in his later years (other than wondering about Heyes)then it is very uplifting.

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