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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:09 pm

I'm still trying to catch up to all you prolific ones out there!

Calico: Lots of turmoil in the Heyes household and an interesting reminder on the rights (or lack thereof) women's rights at the time. Loved the innocence of childhood overlaying a very serious adult story.

RosieAnnie: Blanche is a smart woman and she knows that Joshua is hiding something. I'm glad you wrote this missing scene because I always thought she went along with their plan a bit too easily.

Frankie: Nice tale of how they might have broken up. You caught Heyes so well at a stage in his life where his callousness outweighs his compassion. Too bad it's going to cost him years with his partner.

Penski: Of course, Heyes won't wait around forever for the governor to give them amnesty and, of course he will take things into his own hands to hurry the decision along. Great Heyes plan, but now you are going to have to tell us how it all turned out!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:21 pm

ChristinaASJ: This was so well-written I felt like I was in the saloon watching the tension ratcheting up as the game continued and, just when I thought Heyes was in over his head, you re-directed us to the Kid's own game. I loved how you left the ending open, too. Thank you for posting this!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Oct 05, 2013 7:57 pm

RosieAnnie - Ooh, a missing scene! I like those and this was no exception. Blanche was pretty wiley, trying to get Heyes to admit he wasn't Joshua Smith. She would probably make him a good women, if she wasn't a killer. Too bad this scene wasn't in the show!

FrankieASJ - Good view of the argument that might've split them up. Heyes couldn't empathize with what Kid was going through having killed someone at that young age. Any plans on continuing this?

Penski - Now that's cutting it close! How fustrating it had to be to keep waiting for amnesty year after year. Nice 'threat' Heyes made to the Govenor. Sounds exactly like something he would do. Yet another one I'd like to see continued!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:42 pm

Wasn't sure where else to put this so thought I'd do it here in response to Hanna asking if I was going to continue my challenge story. In a word - yes - I was! And still might do but having a little difficulty with my laptop which has crashed and refuses to connect to internet! Needs a new battery I think - and hope it's that simple! I am using the house computer to get emails and go online at present but it does not have a word package. Hopefully I will able to write and save to a dongal thingy and then send from this computer. Wish me luck!!!! Rolling Eyes Shocked 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:30 am

What a great missing scene, RosieAnnie! I loved hearing about Sister Julia's past life and what may have made her become a nun. Your back story of her seemed very realistic. Did you do any research? You wrote like you had. You really had everyone sounding very much in character. It's interesting how respectful Heyes and Curry were to a nun, considering they're Kansans and not Catholics. Great job!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:47 am

RosieAnnie - I always love a missing scene and this one was written wonderfully. Sister Julia does seem to have a way with thieves ;) If she only knew who she was talking to! Her back story seemed very plausible and made her even more interesting. Good job!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 22, 2013 11:05 am

Thanks for your kind comments. Penski, yes, I did a little bit of research. I wondered where Jane Wyman had learned to speak with such exquisite diction. It turned out she was born in St. Joseph, Missouri! St. Joe wasn't incorporated till 1843, so I made St. Louis Sister Julia's birthplace.

In a way, nuns have more freedom to pursue education than the average woman. Even today, in 2013, the most educated group of women in the U.S. is nuns. The Catholic Church has always run hospitals, and nuns worked in those hospitals as nurses, long before they were officially called nurses. The first medical school for women, the Women's Medical College of Pennsylvania, was founded in 1851 as the Female Medical College of Pennsylvania. In 1861, the Women's Hospital of Pennsylvania was founded, all in Philadelphia. It seemed an ideal place for a nun to train and to serve God. And, along with her training, Sister Julia could pick up a much more refined accent.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:18 pm

A great missing scene Rosie and thank you for being the first with a story. I was beginning to think no one would have an idea to match this title.

It's strange how sometimes you don't get the spark.

However, I love this episode and the she's a great nun...and a real match for the boys.
Bravo Rosie Anne

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:41 pm

RosieAnnie, thank you for filling in the blanks.These missing scenes are wonderful. Lots of thoughtful conversation in this one. Also using Sister Julia for the prompt is a very interesting take on it. Well written. I'm not sure I would trust the Kid driving after this! Very Happy 
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:13 pm

Penski, so Curry's mother really was a crook? A reluctant one, though, and she wasn't very happy doing it. Michael Curry shows how the Curry tendency to help the needy folk comes with the DNA. And everything worked out just fine for all concerned. I hope you thanked your husband for inspiring this sweet tale of how Jed's parents met.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:38 pm

Penski,

That was a pleasure to read, and so genuinely sweet. It was fun to see some some of the Kid's traits in each if his parents. The way Michael stood calmly, and confidently watching Molly, the pie eating(“The pie is good. Have a bite,”), Molly's blue eyes and curly blonde hair, all nice touches. Clever idea wrapping the story within the episode.
A top notch read!two thumbs 

Tell the hubby he had a great story idea.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:40 pm

RosieAnnie: This snippet really filled out the character of Sister Julia. She was always a favorite of mine and you nicely explained her easy charm. Too bad the boys couldn't confide their own misdeeds to her, but maybe they'll meet again.

Penski:Nice tale of how the Kid's folks met. Molly's larceny certainly brought her good fortune and a way out of a life she had outgrown. She was lucky it was Michael Curry who caught her.

Cruella: I must say--love your costume! I guess the Kid gets his flexible morals from his ma. I liked her disdain of the southern sympathizers and how easily she allowed an imagined wrong justify her small theft. Cute, too, that Heyes saw the whole thing. No wonder he said Kid's ma was a crook.

Claybank: I enjoyed how you wrote this so that it could be either partner. Whoever it was had an impressive stable (pun intended) of curses for this stubborn beast. Monte would be pleased.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:01 pm

CruellaDeVil - Great costume, BeeJay!  Mrs. Curry is one tough gal - has to be to provide daily needs for her family in Kansas.  You did a wonderful job giving personalities to all the family members.  Jed already is quiet, quick with his hands - so quick no one saw him put the frog in his sister's dress - and the calmest of her children.  Oh, so it's justified to take if someone's taken from you, so you think, even while on your way to church.  Love how Hannibal witnessed the whole thing.  Wonderful challenge!

Claybank - Great how we don't know who the partner is hanging on for dear life, though my guess is the Kid.  Ouch - that had to hurt!  No wonder there was a string of cussing.  So what do you do when you fall off a horse?  Get back on!  Love the last line - He looked over at his partner’s grinning face. “Where’s the fun in ridin’ a broke horse?”

Inside Outlaw - You sure can't tell this is part of another story and not a stand-alone.  The only sign is that the Kid is in trail clothes while Heyes is wearing his good suit.  Heyes get in trouble again - good thing the Kid was coming down the stairs tucking in his shirt (what a great visual) - and Curry backs him up.  The action is well-described - I could really picture it all.  Loved how Heyes and Curry didn't talk but worked together to get out of the situation with Heyes hitting with his left and swinging around, ducking low to the table.  Insulting his aunt... LOL!  Great bantering at the end!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:31 pm

Remuda...

Forget Me Not - Beautifully written and highly figurative.  Loved how Kid returned when asked who would watch his partner's back.  Very sad tale.

Cards on the Table - Love how both boys are awake and thinking pretty much the same thing - missing the comforts when they were outlaws and yet realizing no matter how difficult, amnesty is the way to go.  Very good!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Oct 28, 2013 8:47 pm

Claybank

A great way to use the prompt. Your use of language in this is wonderful, so detailed and expressive. I love the paragraph using the crook line: “Your mother was a crook! Your mother was an ornery desert broomtail! And your father was a donkey jack, and your grandparents were cart horses who pulled a garbage wagon!” he ranted. The horse, sides heaving, rolled a big brown eye in his direction, but offered no other reply. I agree with Penski, sounded like the Kid was on that horse. Heyes would just stand there and offer : “Your boot’s over in that sagebrush,”. Fun story.

Inside Outlaw

Oooh, very nice saloon scene. The part with all the action is perfect; I could see it as I was reading it: Heyes punching the gambler followed by 'The man went down like a sack of potatoes as Heyes followed the swing of his arm and ducked low to the table. He saw the Kid draw, heard the loud report of the gun, and felt the bullet whistle past his ear.' It's not easy to write action like that. And a satisfying finish: '“Well, now I hate to admit it, but that cheers me up, too,” said Curry' Bravo.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:15 pm

Remuda:

Forget Me Not
Cards on the Table

Such ruminative stories. The format on both, using thoughts from both Heyes and Curry(and Lobo) Forget, was very interesting. Forget was very complex, however, going back and forth in time, until the thoughts seemed to converge and produce the ending. I noticed the word evocative in the story, and that is a good descriptor for it. And such sadness.

In Cards I enjoyed Heyes and Curry both thinking about amnesty in their own way. Oh, and they both think the other is asleep. Heh, that was good--don't you always think your partner is sleeping when you can't? Why "Franklin Evans?" Does Heyes know what he is getting into reading that? Or does he just know it isn't for 'mixed company?'

Both very interesting, and well done.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:17 am

Remuda: Your Forget-Me-Not challenge was a poignant reminder of fleeting happiness can be and how much loss these two men continue to experience in their lives. Ironic, too, that the Kid had chosen love over staying with the gang but still lost his chance at a relationship and being an outlaw had nothing to do with it. I liked how understated you characterized Lobo and Heyes. Both supportive of the Kid.

The Cards On The Table challenge was very well written and descriptive. I enjoyed the glimpse of the two partners, each thinking the other was asleep, laying quietly under the stars contemplating the possibility of finally having a future.

Both great stories. Welcome back!!

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PostSubject: Forget me nots   Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:21 am

Remuda-- Forget me not challenge -- Rather poignant elegant statements about existence and what it brings to a person. It is too bad it eleobrates the pain Curry feels and the pain Heyes feels for Curry and his loss of Curry and then Curry for his loss. Oh wait that is what it was supposed to do..make you feel that long, drawn-out hard pain of indecisiveness that the wheel of life brings to a person and those who surround him. Interesting piece, thank you for sharing.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:35 am


1) RosieAnnie
I thought you’d be working the line in about Thaddeus re-reading Tom Sawyer a few times there, Rosie.
Oh bless, I think the good sister knows when she says the line ‘Many boys would have turned to crime to support themselves.’
Loving HH slipping into explaining how Molly robbed the bank in the wrong way.
Ah, so the good sister came of crooks did she? Clever, clever, clever Rosie – very unexpected take on the prompt and very interesting fill in. (She also married a Vulcan and gave birth to Spock – what a life she had.)

2) Penski
Ah, a medicine man peddling snake oil – a loveable roguish kind of crook for their wise old grandfather to be.
And THAT’S where Kid Curry got his fast hands from – his light fingered mother.
AND the urge to go straight – eventually.
Sweet story, Penski.

3) CruellaDeVil
(By the way – have you any use for two nice silky black catskins?)
Shock! You mean all pioneer women weren’t beautiful angels of patience like Ma Ingalls? I am bereft.
I am adoring Jed thinking over the consequences of honesty – briefly.
Ah, so Ma Curry is using the fair exchange principle? Okay.
And HH was an eye-witness to a bit of – alleged – crookedness. Clever!!
Do love your non-angelic squabbling children Cruella – though I couldn’t eat a whole one.

4) Claybank
Oh, we all know the pleasures of cussing dumb animals, Claybank! Trouble is, you can abuse ‘em all day long and they don’t seem to pay any attention.
WHAT a clever take on the prompt.
I envy that story – wish I’d thought of it!

5) InsideOutlaw
Lovely classic ASJ scenario setting Inside.
Heyes punched a jaw and snapped bone – er… When I read that I assumed you were going for a touch of reality and were going to show us HH collapsing with a broken hand. Just saying. Jawbones beat fists usually. I’d take out the snap, keep it TV fight.
Dear old HH tucking in the money for train tickets – nice touch.
Loving Kid’s last line – Very true to series.

6) Remuda
Couldn’t believe it when I read pay off of this one. I was going to do a shepherd(ess) crook misunderstanding story around Esther Curry pumping her mother for sheep farming details as she insisted on a boys’ part in the Nativity Play. Spooky.
Mind you, I only mused… you actually pulled finger out and wrote a story. Sigh.
Ah, a duologue when they were liddle kiddles. I melt.
And of course to little Han – being a crook elevates Mrs Traeger to heights of excitement.
Marvellous Remuda. An idea only a genius could have! Snirt.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:17 am

Remuda: This was great. I wish I could've seen the look on the young Heyes's face when the truth sank in. Very clever story and your usual excellent dialogue. Loved the last line, too!applause 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:54 am

RosieAnnie: This is fun. I'm sure they wre talking about something on that trip out to the convent. Sister Juliea always was very insightful. She knew just what to say to put her new friends at ease.

Penski: You start us off with a re-play of a very familiar scene. Quite an imaginary way of making sense of that line from an early episode.

CruellaDaVil; A very realistic view into family life. Makes me glad I didn't have children. And Han being such a typical boy; thinking to bring a snake to church. The serpent in the Garden of Eden!

Claybank: Sure as shootin' you know what it's like to get thrown from a horse. I recognized the symptoms right off. Loved this take on the prompt and Kid's response to being dumped in the dirt!

InsideOutlaw: My but aren't you busy these days! Nice story of the classic poker game mishap. It's one thing for Heyes to call Kid's mother a crook but woe be it to anyone else who tries it!

Remuda: Nice to see you back. Heyes can be so mysterious sometimes but lucky for him he finally confided in his younger cousin. That could have been embarrassing. No point in going to a party if there won't be any great tales of tell--to to hear!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Nov 03, 2013 9:14 am

RosieAnnie - Wonderful missing scene!  The boys' interaction with Sister Julia is as endearing in your addition as it was in the episode.  I especially enjoyed Joshua's attempted critique of Sister Isabel's bank robbery, stopped by the sudden bout of coughing from Thaddeus.  Well done!

Penski - Loved reading the story of Michael and Molly (O'Malley) Curry!  I sure hope that this signals the beginning of a series for you.  I'd like to hear more about the Curry family history, and the Heyes family too.  I especially enjoyed seeing Michael Curry's traits reflected in his son, the stance, the "rescuing" of women, all the stuff that makes Kid the Kid we know and love.  The moral at the end was priceless!  Great writing!

Cruella DeVil - Wait a minute!  I have to hide the puppies before I comment on your story.  Okay...

So do you think the Currys were a run of the mill larcenous/vengeful family, or an exceptionally dysfunctional lot?  Either way, I enjoyed your characters and the look back at the Kid's maybe not-so-ideal childhood!  

Really liked this line:

Jed, retrieved the frog and put it in his pocket. He went back to his seat. He thought over the consequences of honesty, albeit briefly. “No, sir.”

Cute story, and fun to read!


Claybank - How exciting!  I felt like I was right there in the action, holding on and falling with the rider.  I can definitely tell you know your horses, AND how to convey your riding experience into written form.  Great job!

InsideOutlaw - This scene was certainly full of action.  Heyes winning at poker and Curry with a fast draw.  What's not to like?  HH and KC at their best.  If this is an indication of what the rest of your series is like, I really need to get reading.  

Favorite lines:

Heyes smiled, “Man insulted my aunt.  What was I to do?”

Curry raised his eyebrows and looked at the man with the raised hands, “That so?  Seems to me you got off lightly.  C’mon, cousin,” he said pointedly, “let’s go.”


Remuda - Your Mother Was A Crook -  HA!  Very cute!  I was expecting that perhaps Mrs. Traeger was a "cook" but never suspected a shepherd's "crook."  A nice look back at the boys' childhood days

Remuda - Forget Me Not - Definitely better late than never.  I'm so glad you decided to share this with us!  So much emotion, so poetically expressed!  I loved the musical flow of the entire piece.  Loud clapping!   I think this may be one of my favorite pieces of yours.

Remuda - Weathering Storms - Being used to your "Saddle Talk" challenges, written with only dialog, this one, written with NO dialog was certainly a surprise!  Including many, many references to the Pilot was a nice bonus and a positive addition to this glimpse into the secret thoughts of Kid Curry and Hannibal Heyes. Very enjoyable read.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:16 pm

Remuda - How funny what a hurry Han was in until he learned the truth about "crook".  And, for once, Jed knew what was going on and got to give the news to his older cousin.  Yep, I agree with Jed - better to slow down and not arrive sweaty to the party.  Cute look at their childhood.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Nov 03, 2013 3:49 pm

That's a cute story, Remuda. Poor Heyes; the disappointment in not seeing a real crook! LOL, but you can tell they are still young: Jed was kind enough to tell him and not let him get to the party early.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Nov 03, 2013 4:59 pm

Just got caught up reading all the October stories...


RosieAnnie: A very interesting story!  Was it based on historical fact?  Sure sounded like it.  This was a really clever use of the prompt.  Sister Julia always struck me as very practical, so I can certainly see her doing medical work and ministering to soldiers in the war and then to inmates in a prison.  Clapping!

Penski: It's really very interesting to read all the scenarios writers dream up about the boys' early family life.  I liked the matter-of-fact reminiscing by Kid. This was another very clever tale.  Kudos to hubby for his suggestion!  Well done!

Cruella DeVil: I like how you don't actually use the prompt in your story but let readers assume they know how it fits the plot.  It did strike me that the speech used by Mrs Curry was somewhat less cough than I would've thought, considering how Kid usually talks.  So did Jed put the frog down the front of his sister's dress instead??? I like the reference to another episode.

Claybank: That was fun!  Liked how you didn't specify which partner was on the horse or how old they were at this time.  Great use of the prompt.  Interesting dedication.  Favorite section: “Now, you will walk nicely, or I will pull my gun and put a bullet between your ears. I don’t think there would be much in its path. Do I make myself clear?” The horse walked calmly.  I can certainly understand getting that annoyed!

InsideOutlaw: I remember reading this elsewhere and enjoying it.  I can't tell what was changed but it's still enjoyable.  The personalities of Kid and Heyes shine here.  Hope November is a better month for you.

Remuda: What a novel use of the prompt!  Jed having to scurry after Han all the time was cute.  Jed displays a lot more logic than Han does in this story and it's nice that, for once, he knew more than Han about something going on.  Cute story.

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Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
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