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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon May 26, 2014 4:27 pm

Ghislaine.    Very interesting at first I thought it was a horse than suddenly well when Heyes arrived -- I went ah it's the pilot safe


Clever. Different. Interesting. Unique. Well written I enjoyed it

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PostSubject: The secret's safe with me...   Mon May 26, 2014 8:28 pm

What a clever story about a most definite nemesis!

I must confess, it didn't hit me right away and then suddenly the light dawned! Well done!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue May 27, 2014 10:49 am



Maz:

Too bad Maz is too busy to write a story. I guess we just have to enjoy this one instead. Very funny. I wish I could get the boys to write one for me.


Wichita Red:

I have to confess, not having read the rest of your story I felt a little lost at the start, but I soon 'caught up' and enjoyed the oneupmanship between the boys. I liked the line about Heyes being no good without Curry along.

LittleBluestem: Very descriptive story. Maggie's take on the boys is excellent, but she is also well-drawn as a character herself. So she's saving money to start her real life-maybe even in California. LOL Got a laugh out of that-being Californian. Is that a good thing or otherwise? And a nice surprise at the ending-that one of the boys is the nemesis.


Ghislaine:

I read this one twice! I didn't realize until near the end of the first read that it was the safe, so went back and read it again. Excellent story and very unusual. So that is life from a safe's point of view, eh?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue May 27, 2014 9:07 pm

RosieAnnie - Oh, a missing scene from one of my favorite episodes! Love how you showed the telegram being sent and how the reply was received. Sawyer seemed no nonsense and not willing to believe anything, except for maybe the men who ambushed Gaines and Grant were indeed Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry. Very enjoyable!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed May 28, 2014 1:32 am

Oh Miz Maz you do make me smile.  Very Happy Lovely to see the inner workings of your ...... creative mind!  excited 

Red - I'm another one who hasn't read Farmington but that didn't stop this being a good challenge. The descriptions of Heyes' and Kid's reactions to the conversation was a delight.  thumbsup 

Little Bluestem - Lucky old Maggie having one of her best nights at work! Some wonderful descriptions and another good challenge. applause applause 

Ghislaine - What a clever take on the title.  At first I thought you were writing about an animal - a horse was my initial thought.  You strung us along very nicely.  It did go through my mind it could be come a bit erotic when Heyes started to manipulate the tumblers which doesn't say a lot for my state of mind!  padded   None the less an intriguing and entertaining challenge.  sm 

Rosie - Poor old Grant and Gaines.  I do like missing scenes stories and you did this one proud.  Some wonderful dialogue and characterisations. Need the next part now on what Harry Briscoe has to say when Sawyer tels him who was on the train!  yes 

Such a variety this month and all so good in their own way. Voting is gonna be hard.  scratch

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed May 28, 2014 2:25 pm

Rosie Annie……nemesis

How very cool, a missing scene, from one of my favorite episodes. I can already tell you thank you, even before I read much more of the story.

Man curry and Heyes put these two men in a world of hurt and gave them a hearty does of humility while they were at it. Got to say, I am so pleased that Bannerman detective agency did not come up with this Gatlin gin idea while Heyes & Curry were still with the game, would hate to think of them being put down. As it is so eloquently stated by the detectives.

How much Hannibal Heyes would have loved to see this turn of events in the sheriffs office. Of course, it is exactly what he was hoping for but to have been the fly on the wall, as obviously you were, and see the events would've been his wish. Thank you for sharing them with us. Very well done, very accurate, and very believable.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jun 01, 2014 12:27 am

1) Maz
Awwww – Kid has a secret hankering to be running from danger all over again? Bless. The boys are so nice to help you out while you’re bringing home the bacon, Maz.

2) WichitaRed
How our boys must be enjoying this – listening to an admiring gaggle tell each other how civil and clever they are.
Ah, Kid decides it’s his turn to spin a tale.
Loving seeing him wind Heyes up, Red.
And Kid’s tale telling gets them free drinks too! Result!

3) LittleBluestem
Oh, Maggie – so blue eyes and a fast draw make you feel kinda swoony, huh? I diagnose a severe case of Curryitis.
Really enjoyed that one, Blue Stem – smoothly written indeed.

4) Ghislaine Emrys
Oooh what is this? A gun? OH! Is it a safe? Is it the columbine safe? It is. It’s the columbine safe. Clever clogs that you are, Ghis.
So that safe was HH’s Nemesis – and indeed vice versa.

5) RosieAnnie
A story with Wade Sawyer – goodoh. I always think of him as one of the good guys – even though he’d catch our boys if he could. I’m liking the series echoes here, Rosie – here are two other fellas not having their best day!
Awww – you have WS wanting our boys dead. I guess we picture him differently.
AND Heyes’ telegram comes in right on cue. Clever missing scene (well parallel scene) Rosie.

6) Remuda
Here she is! The wire dodger extraordinaire.
Oh, it’s poor young Jed back on that train. And thinking of home – sniffle.
Ah Ha! So Kid is with Polly’s older brother and Heyes is with Will’s… Got it. (Apologies if we knew that already from earlier instalments – it’s been a while.)
Oh dear – both our youngsters pining for the past. Sniffle again. And loving the clouded window.



7) Penski
And here she is – going right to the wire in a time zone well west of the polling puss!
Pom pom pom – the Sherriff DOES know them. And he kindly fills us in out loud in true VS style – smile.
Oh no!! He has the magic saddle bags.
And he has our boys nekkid and with no towels (give the audience what they want, huh?)
Oh, the humiliation – when he says they are Wheat and Kyle. Which is which?
Booo! Hisss! Stop gloating Clitterhouse – you must know gloaters never come to any good.

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PostSubject: Oh, the Nemeses...   Sun Jun 01, 2014 12:06 pm

I am pretty sure that's plural for nemesis....

A couple of these I already commented upon, but here is my summary:

Maz -- Very clever; would really like to read the story that Heyes & Kid ended up writing!

WichitaRed -- I always enjoy it when the Kid takes the mickey out of Heyes! It only seems fair and I think it helps Heyes keep his ego somewhat under control!

Ghislaine -- Extremely clever! The safe that set everything into motion...

RosieAnnie -- Loved this take on what went on back in Bramberg with the poor unfortunate Gaines and Grant!

Remuda -- Aww, young Jed and Hannibal; hope they find each other soon...

Penski -- Boo! Hiss! to the evil Curt Clitterhouse! Perfect choice for a nemesis!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jun 01, 2014 4:54 pm

Mistress Maz: Only Kid would rather face Brady or Elizabeth Darkly instead of being bored. Looking forward to seeing what kind of story the boys write for you. I kind of think it won't be a love story for Kid, though.

Wichita Red: Terrific addendum to your longer story. I can easily see Kid and Heyes, sitting at a nearby table, and listening to stories told about them. The temptation to add a little to the stories would be overwhelming. Nice to see that Kid has the silver tongue here, for a change.

Little Bluestem: Many, many readers will identify easily with Maggie. Those golden curls, those blue eyes . . . yes, and he's interested in other things than just poker, as compared to Dimples. She'd better be careful. An awful lot of other women have fallen for the blue-eyed man.

Ghislaine: Oh you clever woman. I had to read this twice to figure out it was the safe. Talk about a unique point of view for your story! It was easy to identify with the desire to feel that gentle caress.

Remuda: I hope you'll put this series on one site sometime soon, so I can find the previous chapters. How is it you manage to convey such longing? Both our boys have found new companions, but there's danger we don't yet understand. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.

Penski: That rotten old Curt! Making Heyes and Curry parade around with their clothes off! Wait, on second thought . . . well, maybe I don't mind that so much. Heyes and Curry are maybe a little too casual about checking out the sheriff's name and then leaving it at that. Why wouldn't a sheriff use an alias, same as they do? Such carelessness is going to cost them. Here's hoping you'll let us know how they get away from Curt.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:52 pm

Remuda - Glad your friend talked you back into writing about the boys and Jed's train ride. Will be interesting to see how are it takes the tyke away from his big cousin. I love reunions and know that eventually they have to get back together again.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:20 pm

Remuda. Hopping Trains: Faces

Absolutely great lines.
"A grave nod. A look, away, out the door. Scenery rushed by, like too many faces from yesterday. Away"

"Han watched, tried to remember loved ones' faces, faded now with time, like a clouded window. But washing it would not bring back the past."

Unfortunately, I was as lost as the boys were. However, I enjoyed your writing style on this piece. It truly flowed beautifully as a late spring river. Will need to look up the previous installments to understand the tale. Thanks for sharing.

Penski. Nemesis
Made me smile, “And a bath. I have dirt where dirt don’t belong.”....been there many a time after camping and trail riding so you've set the stage beautifully for how their feeling.
My goodness what a picture you paint from the bath house to the jail. Poor boys are humiliated and then named as Wheat and Kyle...how sad for them. And, how sad for us as you leave us with a cliffhanger. Argh! Enjoyed the tale so where do we go from here? Thx for sharing.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:10 am

Maz - Poor bored boys - ooo - Heyes wants to write a story. Hmmm, wonder if he'll hurt Kid as much as you do Maz!

Withita Red - I haven't read Farmington but enjoyed the boys listening to the crowd about themselves.  

little bluestem - Oh, Maggie the thoughts you must have in your head.  Great description of the boys and the silent conversation.  

Ghislaine - I started this before I had my coffee and had to start it all over again because I was confused.  After the coffee clicked in, so did my brain - nicely done on a different point of view.

Rosieannie - Always like to read missing scenes.  Poor Grant and Gaines, really not there day.  Sure shows how smart Heyes was in sending the telegram.  

Remuda -  Yippy, glad you were talked into another challenge on the train.  Such longing and missing of each other written without being sappy or whining.  Looking forward to more installments.  

Penski - Love Clitterhouse so much I've written about him myself.  He's such a great slimy character.  So by the ending, is there more to come???? (crossing fingers)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:00 pm


Remuda: Nice balance of the two boys' separate stories. Jed's companion seems friendly and helpful, as does Han's. Though there seems to be a mystery with Polly's family. This series keeps me wondering how and when our boys will find their way back to each other again--you're doing a good job of keeping the plots going!

Penski: Fun story and I can certainly see Clitterhouse wanting and planning revenge for what the boys did to him. The image of Heyes and Curry being paraded practically naked through the streets of the town is gonna stay with me for a nice long while…

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:38 pm

Maz
Cute story! Hope Heyes overheard you mumbling plot bunnies and not because work is getting to be too much of a bear. Also look forward to reading the story the boys are writing for you.

Wichita Red

This is a hoot, but perhaps not to Heyes. I've yet to read "Better Than Farmington" and look forward to doing so, so am commenting on this only from the perspective of this piece. Fun how Kid took the initiative to set the record straight and go on a Heyes-like blue streak. I could easily picture the whole scene. Particularly like how the mugs/drinks were spotlighted. The plan worked perfectly.

Little Bluestem

Wonderfully descriptive prose here to describe the boys; I'm sure we can all relate. Really like how Maggie could tell they were partners by the mirroring of each other's actions, so practiced they are at it. So she's not sure she'll be able to keep business and feelings separate when it comes to her next customer? I so totally understand. :) Well done!

Ghislaine
Nice personification here. Also really like the double entendre-like quality of the safe's narrative; it sounds almost risque. This is quite original. I've never given the Columbine safe a second thought, and here you brought it to life. Very entertaining!

RosieAnnie
What a great piece to the original episode. I'd always wondered what happened to the original Grant and Gaines after the boys left them there in the necessary, and I like how you lay it out. Have to say I sympathize with them, as witness after witness first seems to corroborate their story, only to have it shot full of holes. And Wade Sawyer is a great nemesis. Clapping!

Penski
Now here's a picture I won't soon forget: The boys being paraded almost nekkid through the street to the jail. How embarrassing and humiliating, along with being called Wheat and Kyle, but I would expect nothing less from Clitterhouse, another great nemesis and surely one with a chip on his shoulder. Looking forward to the rest of the story.

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