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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:19 pm

Calico - It's nice to hear more about the Early Years. I enjoyed the children's chatter and the bits of wisdom shared by Hannibal. The end was very touching, but becomes even more bittersweet when we know what the future holds for them. Thanks for the enjoyable story. study  So GLAD to see you're writing!thankyou 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:42 pm

Oh sheesh Calico....cute kids, kiddy speak, young Jed and Heyes, that man with the axe...what's his name? the farmer bloke..oh yeah Alex...He has Heyesians swooning every which way.Rolling Eyes 

Dang fine story too. Loved it. Very Happy 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:03 pm

Calico:  Aww...sweet but not overly sentimental.  Childhood stories in this universe are always welcome!  I really liked how you interspersed the humor of the card playing with the shadow of domestic violence.  The ending was very poignant.  But--question: What was that card game being played?  I was expecting some sort of explanatory note at the end because I have no idea what the game was but since there wasn't any note, is it some game that is popular in England nowadays?  And, btw, it's not only cat-lovers who like Alex H!

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Sep 26, 2013 11:02 pm

OH!  You don't have happy families??!!!   I hold my hand up that it's an English game ... but it'd fit in an envelope or a coat pocket so I thought a few packs made it over.   It existed before the Great Exhibition of 1851 - 'cos it was in it.  The piccies were drawn by the original illustrator of Alice in Wonderland.   And if you look here

...Mrs Chip has dang big hammer
...Mrs Dip does indeed look dang proddy

http://www.wopc.co.uk/games/jaques-happy-families.html

It is exactly the same as 'Go Fish' - so not too exciting if you are eleven and could be playing poker!


It's still going, but now you can stuff like Mister Swindle the Banker, Mister Lying-Toad the Politician (nah, I made that one up.)

Now printing is so cheap there are also local versions with local businesses having themselves on - which is a rather sweet advertising option.

[[Credit for the 'Happy Families' thought goes to Colin.  What a treasure he is.]
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:54 am

How interesting! I learn so much from my ASJ friends!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:26 pm

Thanks, Calico!  Definitely very interesting.  And...I guess real men have some advantages, too, huh?!  Very Happy

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:06 am


1) Maz
Well, I would like to pretend the plot is a mystery, but I do recall tickling a bunny earlier in the month.
Oh, bless. Obligatory enjoyment for young folks. Can’t have them having disorganised fun, willy nilly. We all know where that leads.
Don’t you be calling anyone old biddies, Hannibal Heyes! And where does Jed get off turning up his nose at cat lovers. Watch it the pair of you. Otherwise an old cat loving biddy will write you a nasty encounter with a briar patch.
I do like to see both our boys outsmarted every once in a while.

2) BeeJay
Oh, I’m utterly loving this. And I am sure the boys are enjoying cigars and rocking chairs out on the porch. Not to mention the loose living and fast women – or is that the other way around. I am assuming it is youth that is allowing Rufus to cope with the extra alcohol. He’ll learn when he passes thirty.
Adore the wordings designed to extend the holiday – purely for his health of course.
And delighted to hear how Kid perked up when the money arrived.
But even more, I like Rufus toying with our boys and holding back a Sherriff’s name.
Hearty applause Beejay.

3) Ghislaine
Oh, I love that song. It used to get played on Radio Sheffield all the time when I was little.
(Altogether now:
We’re feeling fine on Radio Sheffield and we hope you’re happy too…
‘Cos the most important part of us, is you.)

You are one clever clogs getting the spirit and the rhythm so bang on. And a touch of the depth with reaping what you sow.


4) Calico
You old softy you. What a mush fest. Come on, roll over and I’ll tickle your tum tum.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:46 am

Calico,

This is an OPUS ! Sheesh, I am only half way done. I started it two days ago but, drat it all, had other boardy things to do.
Very cute children(for children, and we all know I just love childhood stories). Seriously, well-done. But oh oh--something serious is mixed in with the children's innocence.
OK, I'm here now:"The budding of renewed self-flagation was cut short ." Great line.
And this: “It’s a good thing I’m too comfortable to call you three out for playing with a marked deck!” Very Happy 
Sad  Just read the ending. Sniff  




Alex, oh yeah  Isn't he responsible for Kansas being so flat and treeless?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:33 am

When did we get the AX!!! Alex - we got an axe!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:43 am

We have an icon just for Alex!!
Aww how sweet. He is...iconic.

But alas it is not in our available list Sad


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:52 am

Don't get too excited! I just found it last night and I haven't uploaded it to the smilies list yet. I'll go do dat dere ting right now.

PS Thanx for letting me know about the the odder site working OKish, Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:54 am

It's there now.  

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:15 pm

Beejay - Love these letters home! Yes, what are the odds that he would have the two most wanted outlaws in the west as guides. Really enjoyed the parts with the different sheriffs and the boys' reactions. Would've loved to have read how Rufus would've reacted had he found out who they really were. Good job!

Ghislaine - Loving the rewritten lyrics! Everytime I heard that song, Heyes is who I would think of. You've inspired me, I was making my own lyrics in the car to a song that also makes me think of the boys. Maybe I should write it down...

Calico - A childhood story! Always enjoy reading about young Han and Jed. I could just picture them around a table playing this card game. And the banter rang true of children arguing over a game. Charlotte's story was sad and I found myself wondering if Alex would do anything about it. I really enjoyed this!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:18 pm

RosieAnnie - What a great missing scene to Journey From San Juan! You had both boys in character Loved how the Kid took care of his partner by making sure he had dinner and setting out his bedroll. If she wasn't a murderer and such a greedy schemer, I could see her being a good match to Heyes. Wonderful challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Sep 29, 2013 8:28 pm

That's a very interesting conversation between Heyes and Blanche, RosieAnnie. Just like playing poker with two very dangerous players. I especially enjoyed Heyes' explanation for Smith and Jones. Using the reference to the diamond con was very clever. All of it sounded very natural, and the dialog really sounded like Blanche and Heyes in conversation.  

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:15 pm

My heart be still... Frankie wrote a challenge!  Shocked 
Well, it's about time you wrote again!  sm  The Kid's been missing you!  

Frankie - So that's how they separated!  Love how cocky young Heyes was and how in shock the Kid was from killing someone.  Yep, Heyes could've/should've been more sympathetic about what just happened.  Seems both were at the end of their wits and needed a break from each other to appreciate each other again.  

Welcome back!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Sep 30, 2013 4:22 pm


RosieAnnie: A really well done missing scene for an episode I really like. (And for more reasons than just Heyes' great hair!) Lots of excellent lines, especially when Heyes and Blanche are talking to each other in the second half of the story. I think you nailed Heyes, Blanche and Curry's characters here. It would've been fun to see this scene in the actual episode. And thanks for not giving Michele any lines to speak! :-)

Frankie: Aww, another angst story from you...well: Hooray! It took a bit before I realized they were still youths--nice that it wasn't obvious right away. Poor Kid--Heyes takes him for granted and doesn't seem to have any compassion for what he's going through. No wonder he lit out. Ya know…you could write a sequel (or several) about what happens next. Hint, hint!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:02 am

5) Rosie Annie
Poor old Michelle, does she know she’s in a one episode romance?
Oh, I’m liking HH’s true – but so equivocal – line that she can trust him as far as the border station.
The Hotchkiss or Rembacker line made me smile too.
You know this episode is one of the reasons I never think the boys would curl their lip (cast the first stone as it were) at bounty hunters, ‘cos they take jobs as bounty hunters too.

6) FrankieASJ
Oh, we have a lovely adolescent Heyes do we? Smashing.
And Kid’s here too. I thought this might be when they were apart. Oh, dear, poor old Kid had the possible bluff of a drawn gun called. I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often. (Well, I suppose I’m not surprised in the series, since levelling a gun is treated as a full stop to a scene.)
Ah, so this is a how they split story. Sniffle. You did the right thing, Kid. Though I guess not for long.

7) Penski
Nicely dialogued Penski. Do we trust the governor? Hmmmm? Will he be there long enough? Though – I think five years is plenty. No wealthy bankers would get very excited, surely, after five long years.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 12:59 am

Such great challenges this month - perhaps I shouldn't have done one! Rolling Eyes 
And Ghislaine - it did go through my head to try and start another challenge series but then I came to my senses - or possibly not!  Have to see if the whim takes me. Shocked Very Happy 

Miz Maz - I so love seeing our boys in 'polite society'.  I have to say they coped admirably with the situation - but not as well as they thought they had, huh?! Have been put off cream cheese for a while though! No 

BeeJay - Good old William/Rufus is having himself a good old time and getting more of a taste of the real Wild West than he realises! horsie  Such clever use of the letters to build his character whilst allowing us to know what our boys were up to.  We know them so well it was easy to visualise the scene.

Ghislaine - Is it really remiss that I can't remember the tune to 'The Gambler' off the top of my head?  When you live in a house with a couple of teenagers who play dubstep and drum and bass a lot you forget how melodic music can be!  I enjoyed the melody of the words any how.

Calico - Ah, the tedium that is Happy Families!  Loved the way you played the card game off against the real family issues.  Very clever and we're all a little bit in love with dear old Alex aren't we? sm 

Rosie - So that's what Heyes and Blanche were up to when Kid and Ms Monet were sitting on that log! I wonder how hard it really was to hand Blanche over at the border because he did seem fairly taken with her or was he just acting all along? Excellent gap filler.

Penski - Another day- another posse!  Our poor boys are being run ragged.  Not surprising if it's been 5 years!  Go straight to the top - wise move boys - let's hope Governor Morgan knows when to fold! blackjack  draw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:44 pm

RosieAnnie - Your dialog is very vivid.  I was especially impressed with Blanche's lines.  I could almost "hear" her speaking them.  The lines between Heyes and Curry are also true to character and well written.  Your challenge would have made a very enjoyable addition to the television episode. thankyou 

Frankie -  The raw emotion you reveal in both characters is so compelling!  Wonderfully done.  I always love a KC fast draw, but then, you already know that.  Great to see you chiming in with a challenge this month!  Looks like you and your angsty keyboard are back!  I'm glad!   draw  


Penski - I liked how the turn of each card added to the growing anticipation.  What might the governor's answer be?  Or, what Heyes and Curry might do next?  Also liked the idea that Heyes and Curry might indeed get tired of waiting and "encourage" the governor to do the right thing.  Way to wire-dodge, Penski!
blackjack

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 4:25 pm

Penski: That's what I call wire-dodging...you made it by three minutes!  Shocked   As for the story...  I can kinda see the boys get so fed up they finally take matters into their own hands, as you had them do here.  The confrontations, first with Lom and then with the governor, were fun.  Oh!  It just dawned on me--at first, I thought they were playing a hand of poker, but it didn't make sense the way it ended; now I just realized it was blackjack: Clever!  And my favorite line was: “See, Heyes, even Lom cleans his gun.” Also, really appreciated the photo of the actual governor along with the note at the end of the story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 5:22 pm

Comments on Overspill stories:

Calico = I remember this, and being fooled!  It's very cute and definitely fits the prompt.  Curry's mother might be a crook but Heyes' mother was a cardsharp, for sure!

Christina = I vaguely remember reading this before.  I really enjoy the detail of the poker games.  And the bit about selling Bryant pumps and Heyes' reaction.  And how the salesman equals Heyes in his ability to talk!  I hope you are able to finish this story soon, because you have definitely piqued my interest again.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:14 pm


Frankie:

A very finely written story. Oh boy, a shootout with a killing, and the boys splitting up into one story. You packed a lot into this one. I like the way you used the prompt for the ending.


Penski: Nice--playing cards for keeps with the governor. Great dialog, and a quick pace with a neat ending. I could picture a very angry governor!

But the ending worried me. After all, you just beat the wire so I wanted to see if the boys did. So its Morgan's second term 1886-1887. I thought, well, when in 1886 until when in 1887, because what if they don't get their amnesty in under the wire? Yikes, they aren't even going to get that contract! Morgan's second term was from December 20, 1886 to January 24, 1887.
I expect a story from you when Moonlight becomes governor. I want to know if they go back to robbing!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed Oct 02, 2013 2:42 pm

Journey to San Juan

Kid shooting a man

and Playing the governor at cards.

Great stories to end the month on ladies. Sheesh now I have to decide who to vote for.
And NO you are not getting Kid!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:23 am

Catching up on September, while I am proctoring a test and have a reliable internet connection:

Ghislaine: I have to admit, a lot of times I don't enjoy versification, but I found this one amusing. The source material you chose is 100% appropriate. It fits the characters perfectly.

Calico: Oh you heart-wringing feline, you! Yes, the Heyes family is a "'nappy fam'ly" now, but that's not going to last either, is it? We know the future, and we see even more, just what is about to be lost.

Frankie ASJ: Good to see you here! You showed very clearly how heightened emotions can lead to deeply hurtful words. This is a plausible explanation for the separation.

Penski: I sure don't blame the boys for getting impatient. I get the feeling that Lom is feeling frustrated, too. But the governor really holds all the cards, doesn't he? Are you planning to continue this? I'm wondering, too, what the boys will do with a document signed by a governor who's out of office. Is it still binding? inquiring minds want to know!

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