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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Mar 08, 2014 6:09 pm

Wichita Red - I wasn't expecting Heyes to step in, but of course he could just stand back and watch. Loved seeing the demons coming out (could see the outlaw he's very capable of being) and only the Kid being able to make him calm down.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Mar 09, 2014 3:06 pm

Excellent story Witchita. You built the tension well, and bam! Heyes let him have it. Loved the interactions between the members of the Devil's Hole Gang and the townsfolk too.

Darn that is going to be one hard story to follow.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Mar 09, 2014 7:39 pm

Wichita Red
Wow, isn't everyday Hannibal Heyes gets so royally peeved! Good switch with this behavior usually reserved for his partner. Several similes jumped out at me, "[H]e answered, his tone smooth as velvet but edged in steel." and “[S]he turned to Heyes, whose face was impassive as a marble bust of Caesar." Love kind-hearted Kyle. Well done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Mar 14, 2014 8:24 pm

WichitaRed: That was a real interesting story.  Did you research domestic abuse in the Old West before writing this?  Just wondering; it seemed quite realistic.  There were some really good lines but this phrase was my favorite: ...Heyes, whose face was impassive as a marble bust of Caesar...

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:50 pm

Wichita Red:  I think you've captured the abuser very well here. "Why do you make me punish you?" Of course, the fact that he beats her silly is all her fault, and none of his. The picture of him stroking his auburn Van Dyke beard is visceral, too. So often Kid is the partner who steps in when a lady requires assistance, and I like that you gave that job to Heyes. Though it feels more like a blood-lust for Heyes; I say this, because Preacher can barely pry Heyes' fingers free from Thomson's throat. And the final line, the challenge prompt? I bet Thomson would have said that, too. Congratulations on handling a challenging topic well.

Inside Outlaw: Good choice of a missing scene. The episode never explains why Wheat went from being Heyes' harshest critic to Heyes' and Curry's most loyal gang member. A couple rare moments of honesty and self-reflection from Wheat, and it feels right that Kyle would be the one to ask him the hard questions and be his confidant. You give Wheat some character and backbone here too, and  make him a more admirable man. Even Kyle thinks so!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:02 pm

Inside Outlaw - I think I enjoy missing scenes as much as historical notes and this one didn't disappoint (actually, I can't think of a story or challenge of yours that did disappoint me). Kyle did seem somewhat reluctant to go help the Kid when Wheat was all gun-ho to go. Both Wheat and Kyle sound like outlaws - self-preserving and a little selfish. Love those last lines.

RosieAnnie - Great beginning with the sounds waking up Curry and him thinking the posse was there. Never read an ASJ story with the saloon closing causing those noises. Was cute that they reversed roles with the Kid waking up Heyes for something and Heyes just wanting to go back to sleep. That was a deep conversation and I can definitely hear them talking about it. Favorite line - "And, unless you really piss me off by tellin' me to run out on you, we’re gonna stay partners." Another wonderful challenge!

Two great reads!  applause 

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PostSubject: Man has to do what a man has to do….   Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:23 am

Man has to do what a man has to do….

InsideOutlaw

A scene that is well worth reading, it would have been wonderful to watch and yet, with your writing skills, I could see it clearly. Is that not the goal of every writer? Good Job IO. The line that really caught my eye was: “You been sayin’ for years that those two would end up hangin’ from the highest tree; how come you’re so worried about them now?” Sure, it is a classic western line but it is also an image, not often, related to Kid & Heyes so it really jerked me up by my belly hairs. I enjoy lines which do this for it reminds you, as much as we all love ‘em, they are outlaws.

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PostSubject: Man has to do what a man has to do….   Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:34 am

Man has to do what a man has to do….

RosieAnnie

To begin with, I really like your descriptions in this tale. I was right there with Jed as he looked out the window. Bravo!
“I’m ready to go anytime.” I always love this line. To me it shows their endurance, fear, will power, and commitment to protect each other all wrapped in such a little phrase. I haven’t found a chance to use it…yet. Well done here, Rosie. Their conversation is so tense and personal, yet, you have injected it with just the right amount of ASJ wit. Cool! Good use of simile… his arms and legs felt heavy as gold bars….very creative. Enjoyed your tale, thanks.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Mar 30, 2014 9:22 am

Witchita Red: Pity the poor abusive man who mistreats a woman in front of Heyes or Curry. I really liked how you built the tension and then let Heyes explode with anger. There are so many small instances in the series where you can see Heyes' respect for women and I enjoy him in the role of rescuer in this tale.

RosieAnnie: I could really feel Curry's pensiveness at the start of this, but wasn't aware of why until further on. Lots of nice nods to episodes: Fifth Victim, The Posse That Wouldn't Quit, and the last one escapes me, but its the one where Heyes puts a comforter on the exhausted Kid. Of course the Kid wouldn't leave his sick and wounded partner. Heyes must've been pretty feverish to believe he would. Nicely done.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Mar 30, 2014 9:55 am

I believe you are referring to 'Everything Else You Can Steal'. Kid had come back from sitting up in a tree all night. Of course I could be mistaken.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:57 pm

Nope, that's the one! Thanks K.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:11 am


1) WichitaRed
Good heavens Wichita, you are giving a full-blooded fistfight description there and no mistake. Awwww, Kyle! Bless him. Dontcha just want to hug him? What a properly traditional take on the ‘what a man’s gotta do’ take you gave us there. And what a complete dearth of redeeming qualities that rat Emmet had.

2) InsideOutlaw
Hello there February bandanny winner!!
Awww, I think you’re misjudging little Kyle there Wheat. He always wanted to come, he just needed to brace himself to pull away from the crowd. Double awwwww! Wheat really appreciated Heyes all the time. ‘Course, we kinda knew that deep down.
How lovely to get a duologue from the other whatshisname and that other other fella.

3) RosieAnnie
I need to make more use of the work ‘knickering’ around horses – it’s lovely. Even more lovely that these horses wear ties! (Only teasing)
Liking the ‘you woke me for that…’ banter.
Are you channelling the previous two months continuous rain here, Rosie?
Ah laudanum. Is it as yummy as Benylin?
Very nice duologue set in the small hours there, Rosie.

??? Any more for any more??? Come on you wire dodgers!



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:43 pm

Frankie wrote a challenge!?! Whoo Hoo! Oh, I love outlaw stories. Mr. Locke is a great name. I can Heyes' frustration mounting with first Conrad Dewbury and then Mr Locke. The banker manager is standing firm, even with the Kid - brave man. And he ends up saving the money in the bank with his delay - Heyes isn't too happy with a blotched bank robbery. LOL... great last line! Favorite lines, though, are - "This safe is foolproof.”
“Well, there you have it. I’m no fool,” Heyes responded conceitedly.  applause 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Mar 31, 2014 2:01 pm

Penski - So Kid had to do what he had to do - understandable! Great take of the title. These boys do make life difficult for themselves at times. I wasn't sure/shore (!!!!!) which way this story was going but it turned out to be a jolly one! Seems we're both in a happy frame of mind this month.  sm   Very Happy 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:54 am

4) Frankie
Yeah!! You’re still in the game, huh?
Ah! Foolproof! But HH is a genius – no?
Insolent? They think he is insolent for taking a stand. Tut, tut boys – but you’re just frustrated. Love honest folk standing up to our boys and besting them, Frankie. Nice play on the name.

5) Penski
Hmmm – a town where both boys have an old acquaintance of one kind or another.
Poor old Heyes, looking at well fed and watered, bathed and spruced up – ahem – well satisfied Kid while he’s been a pacing. Nice, nice short Penski.

6) Remuda
Ooooh, so our boys are returning to the Hole in full detective mode, who dunnit and why? (Cue musical relief played over as they ride in.)
Great set up, Remuda!! What a hook to draw us in. Clapping!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:42 am

Wichita Red - Heyes the hero! The initial interaction between Heyes and Emmet made my toes curl.  I would not have been very good at being a woman in Victorian times!  If you've got to belong to anyone I'd chose Kid!  sm   Good story though - so glad Kid turned up to manage the situation and he didn'tt even have to draw his gun!  bandit 

IO - Wheat doing the decent thing?  Always knew he had a soft spot for our boys really! I'm sure Kid really appreciated his and Kyle's concern.  Good take on the title and interesting missing scene.  applause 

Rosie - Aww - Kid being nurse maid and such a good friend, watching Heyes' back even when he's sleeping on it!  Sleep  I bet laudanum didn't taste half as nice as Benelyn! Loved the tone of this piece though.  Nicely done.  two thumbs 

Frankie - Oooh that's me!  Very Happy 

Penski - At least this wasn't a cliffhanger!  Suspect  Tee hee - poor old Heyes left out in the cold while Kid's getting all warm and cosy.  Can't believe he was that quick though!  Embarassed   lol2 Fun story. Enjoyable read. study 

Remuda - That darn elusive amnesty.  That Devil's Hole will have to go - it's always causing our boys grief.  Good to know Heyes is still the boss around there.  draw   Kid better learn to hang on better! Poor boy will need a cold compress on that bump - and a clean cloth to wipe Kyle's baccy juice off!  Shocked 

Well done one and all.  Now just got to work out who gets the vote.  Not easy.  scratch

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:00 pm

WichitaRed: What an explosive start to the month. Usually it's the Kid who looses it over a lady, but we all know Heyes can show a temper too when he chooses. Good thing they were surrounded by friends. But even then, it's Kid who is the only one who could bring Heyes back to earth. Good job.

InsideOutlaw: You are becoming the Queen of writing missing scenes. Or, even better; whole stories that give reasonable explanations for the things that just didn't make no sense! Wheat has his own share of common sense after all.

RosieAnnie: This was a nice 'feel good' kind of story even though Heyes had obviously been injured. Telling Kid to leave him behind? Yeah, like that's going to happen! Heyes always says he's ready to go--anytime. His heart is in the right place, but fortunately Curry knows better.

FrankieASJ: Well you beat me Frankie. I was hoping the bunny would hop on this challenge, but my month has just been too busy with other things. This was an enjoyable read. We don't often see Hannibal Heyes fail in a robbery attempt and by some skinny little bank manager at that. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to get out of bed in the mornings. Years from now Heyes will look back on this and laugh. Or, maybe not.

Penski: Aw--you ended it too soon! Oh well. Poor Heyes kind of got left out in the cold but I don't blame Kid at all. One of them may as well have a good time. At least Heyes wasn't stuck sitting in a tree and he did have a book to read. What was he complaining about?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:51 pm

InsideOutlaw: This is really good.  I could definitely see the both of them having this conversation.  You got Wheat and Kyle down perfectly!

RosieAnnie: The tension and the tenderness expressed in this story both were great!  Really enjoyed the banter at the beginning.  An excellent mix of angst and hurt/comfort.

Penski1: It does fit perfectly!  I vaguely remember reading that eons ago...someday, will have to find it again…

Frankie: I love seeing the DHG in action and this was a fun story.  Lots of good scenes and lines in the bank.  I gotta say, though, that I wasn't all that keen on the last two paragraphs--I didn't really understand Kid's line of dialog and I actually think the story would be better without them.  These were great lines: “This safe is foolproof.”  “Well, there you have it. I’m no fool,” Heyes responded conceitedly.

Penski2: That's hilarious!  I can just see Kid rationalizing how a short delay so he can avail himself of the comforts of town won't matter to his bookworm partner.  Kid is dang lucky no one else recognized him, though.  :-)

Remuda: I was really enjoying this…until the final line.  Because I don't know who said it!  I can't figure out who the speaker was and I'm confused about what happened--did the stranger die?  Argh!  But up until then, the action was taut and the suspense was great.  This definitely seems like the start of a series--sure hope so, because I want to know what happens next!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed Apr 02, 2014 9:24 am

Remuda: Of course they owe Lom and he wasn't about to take no for an answer. This is a nice start to a longer story. I'm intrigued to see where it goes.

Penski: IMHO Curry got off pretty lightly with Heyes. I liked how he put his own needs before his partner's worries. That seems very true to the character. I always think about how he was willing to let Fred Philpott hang and not worry about what would happen to Heyes until it was pointed out that it would be bad for the Kid, too. These are definitely an egocentric duo!

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PostSubject: March Challenge   Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:24 pm

FrankieASJ
FRANKIE ASJ
Man’s got to do….
This was well written. I enjoyed your dialogue a lot.
“I can’t do that,” he exclaimed, with hushed, trembling tones.
“Oh, sure you can,” Heyes replied with false joviality.

“Th- that’s not possible,” Locke stuttered. “This safe is foolproof.”
“Well, there you have it. I’m no fool,” Heyes responded conceitedly. “If you’d be kind enough to step
aside and give me a little room I’ll show you.”

“Of all the stupid, irresponsible, down right ….” The last of Heyes’ tirade was lost to the sound of the
horses’ pounding hooves as they made their way out of the town, before splitting up to make their own
ways back to the Devil’s Hole.

Who can’t smile at this kind of dialogue, because you can so clearly see Heyes saying it.
Yup, if nothing else this whole little escapade gave Kid a darn good chuckle.

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PostSubject: March Challenge   Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:32 pm

Penski

A man has to do what a man has to do

“Obviously, we do.” --- right off the bat you made me chuckle.

Why don’t you get out that book I know you have in your bags. Before you know it, I’ll be back.” He reined his horse towards the road and loped back the way they came from. --- so simple but a wonderful bit of characterization on both of them, well done.

“Heyes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” The Kid sighed and grinned when he thought about the last hour or two. “Besides, not just any gal – Maggie. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have spent some time with her if you were in my place.” --- oh yeah giggling again, because we all know Heyes would have done the exact same thing.

Nice segment of a day in the life of Curry & Heyes…well done.


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PostSubject: March Challenge   Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:41 pm

Remuda

They sipped and settled the mugs on the table, spoke in unison, "What's up?"
-- I love when a chance comes up to show how in unison they truly are at time. Always gives me a grin.

Ah…the use of kowtowed…bravo wonderful word and so rarely in use. But, it fits in so nicely with your description/dialogue of Heyes anger and fits in perfectly as we saw him in episodes.

Wow good tale…is this all or is there more to come somewhere else?
I really liked it…the action and the DHG entrance was enticing and exciting both.
Well Done!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Apr 06, 2014 2:10 pm

WichitaRed - Your challenge took me by surprise. The gang, and especially Heyes, seem very dangerous, even deadly.  Very intense story, well-written.  So... Where WAS the Kid?   huh Really liked this line:  his tone smooth as velvet but edged in steel.


InsideOutlaw - Very different take on this prompt!  First of all, I like that your focus is on Wheat and Kyle, and I especially like how you "hinted at" this month's theme, rather than actually stating it, word for word.  Well done!


RosieAnnie - This is very good, Rosie.  The conversation is perfect--heart-felt, but not over done.  A very nice "partners" moment in time.  Lots of clapping!    cool 


Frankie - Great outlaw story!  LOVED these lines: “This safe is foolproof.”

“Well, there you have it. I’m no fool,” Heyes responded conceitedly.


Oh!  What a punny closing line!  Wonderful! safe 



Penski -  HH and KC like licorice, huh?  Indeed, a man's gotta...  Fun read!  Two thumbs up!     wolf 


Remuda - Sounds like this edgy tale is going to be continued.  Make sure you let us know when and where, 'cause it's a good one!  yes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Apr 06, 2014 8:06 pm

InsideOutlaw
Great missing scene.  Love how the end was left danglin' in more ways than one.  Can really imagine Wheat's reaction to Kyle's last line -- likely left speechless with a majorly gaping stare.  What a hoot!  Love seeing our second (perhaps not so) dynamic duo take center stage.  Well done!


RosieAnnie
This is lovely and has many wonderful qualities to it.  The clap of thunder and other sounds of the storm juxtapose nicely against the quiet conversation of the two partners.  Kid's concern for Heyes shows just the right amount of care, while the role reversal echoing back to the train scene in Never Trust an Honest Man is fun.  The atmosphere overall is one almost of solitude in a town big enough to bustle at closing time, but hopefully also small enough not to attract the attentions of a pursuing posse.  Nicely done!

Frankie
A well told story of a DHG daylight bank non-robbery.  You built the tension nicely, with each of the boys growing increasingly weary of the stalling tactics.  I am not sure whether to think Mr. Locke brave or foolhardy; perhaps the latter is more appropriate, although his actions thwarted the theft.  Loved the rhythm of the phrase, "then raised his gaze to look at Heyes," as well as the groaner of a last line.  So Mr. Locke could not be picked, huh?  The boys just might be checking out the names of bank managers in future.  Clapping!

Penski
Not too often we see a tale about Heyes' Plummer Gang days.  This reminded me a little of Beckett's "Waiting for Godot," with Heyes waiting increasingly impatiently by the road for his partner.  But, unlike the play, Kid did return, albeit a bit late.  Love Heyes' reaction to Curry's having availed himself of some basic comforts.  Methinks he was just jealous.  This story is definitely complete, but I think it would lend itself well to being continued if you decided to do so.  Cute tale!

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PostSubject: March Challenge   Wed Apr 09, 2014 6:56 am

I’ve noticed a lot of comments about my March Challenge and I want to say thank you to everyone. Glad you enjoyed it. I tell you, when I thought to write this, it was to be for Kid Curry. Seemed a natural spot for him, then Heyes came along and just shoved the Kid out of his way. It was like he had something to say all the way around the block or something, it’s funny how every once in a while the characters will take the story away from the author.

There have also been some questions as to where Kid was? Well, you see the guys are all in town at this shindig blowing off steam and having a good time…well Kid, he was blowing off a bit more steam and having a bit more of a good time. “Know what I mean..nudge, nudge…know what I mean.”

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