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 Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 05, 2014 8:42 pm

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words about my story.

Ghis, the work which inspired my tale is The Luck of Roaring Camp by Bret Harte, as BJ noted.  If anyone would like to read it, it's fairly short and can be found at the link below.

http://www.bartleby.com/310/4/1.html

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FrankieASJ

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Jan 06, 2014 10:21 am

Just to say I did manage to read (and vote) on the December 'Traditions' challenges. A fine collection of writing once again. You all put me to shame.  Embarassed 

I love the idea of Grandpa Thaddeus Jones and an angelic Jed. The banter between the boys and 'Pranny' and an angsty ride through the snow, only to find refuge in a jail! And the oh so clever convoluted conversation as they try to deliver a simple message. Rounded off nicely with a sentimental tale of .... TALKING ANIMALS?!!!!!!!  panda 

Most excellent ladies. Here's hoping I'll have something for you to comment on soon.  yes 

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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:10 pm

Maz - What?!  Heyes is dying?   scaredtodeath  Giving up, huh?  Well, the Kid doesn't seem too concerned going out for dinner while his partner dies.  Had me worried there that you were really gonna do another killing of a partner.  Fun story challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:03 am

Maz: Frankly, I found this story frightening. Heyes sounds way too much like my husband when he's sick. The Kid handled him far better than I would've have; would've been tempted to shoot first, care for later. Thanks for the snickers!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:10 am

Maz, I tell you so often that you are the master of dialogue, I think I must be boring you. I loved that Kid didn't want Heyes' hat or gun.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:03 pm

StormR - You wrote a challenge! Hope that broke the writer's block for you since I've missed Storm stories (and not the ones on the weather channel). Very cute with the Kid getting antzy about being in the hotel room and Heyes relaxing about it. And poor Kid... careful what you wish for! Love how you ended it. Wonderful challenge for the theme!

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Jan 17, 2014 1:22 pm

Storm...I have a feeling that Bunny was given to you by Heyes.
 Suspect 

And that it wasn't unpleasant to write either. Very Happy 


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:17 pm

Keays - Very interesting how Heyes is so intent on his shopping that he missed seeing the marshal.  Very intense as the Kid enters and they both try to escape.  Love how the Kid rescues his partner - another dumb, lazy sheriff.  Well written challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:55 am

Maz - - It is a good hat!!!!  Ungrateful Kid.  But that's okay, I'll take it and be more than happy to take care of Heyes since Kid is just leaving him there!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:15 pm

StormR: Cute dialogue! I love the interplay between Heyes and Curry. I think you chose a good way and a good format to break up a writer's block. Sounds like you've got a few bunnies going at the end. It's good to see you writing again.

Keays: Heyes was just a little careless, wasn't he? Though I don't know if Heyes was being so careless; why wasn't Curry watching his back? Kid made the right choice to leave when he did. This is a nice illustration of the dangers these characters faced every day and of how well the partnership works. And a really good last line, too!

Penski: I've wondered, too, about what would make them give up the quest for amnesty and, like you, I think it wouldn't be a momentous event that caused them to reconsider. It would more likely be the culmination of everything. Nice to see Kid is still the practical one, wanting to go someplace where they speak English! You showed how the partnership works through their discussion; it's a give and take, not "Heyes is the smart one, kid follows." You know you could write a novel as follow-up to this, don't you?


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stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 6:09 am

Keyes -  the boys do seem to get into trouble when they are apart - even for the shortest of time.  Then again, it helps that the other one can always save his captured partner.

Penski - Bet Heyes and Kid have that conversation a lot!!  Nice dialogue between the two and I'm sure after sleeping in a nice comfy bed, they'll stay on the right side of the law.  It gets habit formin'.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 8:35 am

Storm: The Kid in jail worrying about his partner and said partner dallying with a certain someone? You are a hard-hearted woman!

Keays: Lots of action here that fits the prompt. That poor sheriff should've known a little better who he was dealing with! Fun last line, too.

Penski: I always wondered how long it would take for these two to give up on the amnesty. They're too smart to keep at it forever and I enjoyed their quick reviews of options. Nicely written scene.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:15 pm

Keays - a really enjoyable story with all the elements I love about our boys. Heyes and his lock pick, Kid and his Colt and of course a blond hero to save the day! Hoorah! sm 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:27 pm

Penski...they can't give up! I mean think of all the sories we won't get if they do? Hopefully a few drinks in the next town will make them see sense.

Frankie - A story!! Hooray! But wait...angst...trapped....nowhere to run? Shades of Butch and Sundance...the click of rifles...will they fire????

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:38 pm

Frankie - Oh my heart be still... Frankie wrote a challenge. Phew... you have NOT lost your touch for writing an angsty one, that's for sure! I had the same thoughts as Maz - will they be shot (ala Butch and Sundance) or arrested? Very touching and well written! Missed your stories a lot!!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:51 pm

Frankie:  Okay, maybe I'm being a foolish optimistic, but I held my breath right to the very end.  I finally let it go taking comfort in the fact that the lawmen said they were under arrest and didn't just shoot.  Very tense and angsty!  Thank you for writing.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 19, 2014 6:29 pm

Frankie, a little angst can be a good thing. You gave us an all-too-realistic picture of what might happen to our boys. I wondered for a while if it was going to be super-angsty, like the Butch Cassidy/Sundance Kid suicide by police officers scene. You did a good job building the tension.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Mon Jan 20, 2014 4:41 am

Frankie - A story - yippee!!!  Angst at its best.  I believe the Sheriff will live up to his name.  So now the boys are captured, you can continue writing on how they get free! sm
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:54 am

Maz:

Very funny, and, as usual, wonderful dialog. This had so many clever lines in it, it is hard to select a favorite but I think this exchange will do:
“You don’t want my gun?”
“It’s a Schofield.”
“So?”
“I don’t use a Schofield. And the balance is all wrong. You don’t clean it as often as you should and I don’t like the handle.”
This is a delightful story.

Storm:

I am so happy you wrote a challenge this month. What a great idea, and the development of it was done so well. I love that you created a story around a situation we all find so frustrating. Another brilliantly funny challenge for the month. Who knew that 'giving up' could be so humorous?

Keays:

I am very upset with Heyes in this story; he did such a foolish thing! But, is isn't the first time as we all know both boys let their guard down in How to Rob a Bank. Fortunately, the Sheriff was none too bright. I'm glad to see Heyes redeemed himself by picking the lock. I enjoyed this.

Penski:

This is a long overdue conversation. I'd like very much to see you continue this with a story beginning with their decision, and where they go with it. The dialog sounds very true to the series, and it sounds just like them to postpone the decision as something they will get to later. Excellent.

Frankie:

You're back, too! I read Watching this morning, and it was an interesting contrast to this story. They're both on the darker side, true, but you've gone from almost entirely descriptive third person(OK, I know Heyes was in no position to talk much in Watching), to the immediacy of writing a story almost all in dialog. Great dialog, with my favorite line being, “A chance?! I call it an almost dead certainty – dead being the word.”
This really moved swiftly, and kept up the intensity throughout. Super!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 26, 2014 1:18 pm

sistergrace!!! How could you??? Shocked 

Just when I was beginning to like you, you...you...k..k... .sheesh I can't even say the word.
Be warned nun-woman I'm watching you. Suspect 

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 26, 2014 1:29 pm

Oh BJ they tried so hard to give themselves up.

Send them to me I'll gladly arrest them and hang onto them for twenty years or so.

Loved the dialogue :)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:26 pm

Maz - This is so true and so funny!  Wonderful!  Hat, nope.  Gun, nope.  Two headed coin?!?!  LOL!  Loved it.

stormr - Loud applause!  You're back to writing, what could be better?  Really enjoyed your playful attitude that shines through in this piece, especially at the end!  Very fun to read!

Keays - Your story includes some fun description, especially this line:
It doesn't take a genius, self-proclaimed or otherwise to know that they travelled light
Nice adventure for HH and KC.
 

Penski - The quest for amnesty would have been a long and treacherous journey.  The boys might indeed have decided to give up and go back to their outlawing ways or even leave the country.  I really like that in your challenge, never once do the fellas discuss splitting up as an option.  They're riding the trail together, no matter where it leads.  Two thumbs up on this challenge!

Frankie - It's so nice to see you writing again with that wonderful angsty style of yours.  I feared for a few moments that Curry and Heyes were going to pull a "Butch and Sundance" and storm out of that cabin, guns blazing.  Thank goodness you decided to have them buy themselves a little time...or twenty years!  Much clapping!

BeeJay - Don't ya just hate it when that happens?  Poor fellas, just trying to do the right thing.  Great story, BeeJay!  Wonderful lines.  Cute, fun, and HAPPY!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Sun Jan 26, 2014 3:23 pm

Aw Grace, that is just plain sad. Incarceration would give Heyes plenty of time (sounds like being 'incarcerated' by the snow has rubbed off on you) for writing. This made me think of how boring it would be to be in prison, day after day the same routine, and no end in sight, except of course, the end you came up with. Not a happy finale at all, but an excellent story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:52 pm

Sister Grace - Oh, what a sad, but realistic tale.  I can see the Kid getting tired and giving up.  Heyes would be angry of his partner did that but resigned to give up himself that go alone.  Seems like he's been incarcerated awhile if he's written that much, but not necessarily.  Numbness of hand and pain... Love the ending!  Oh, what I wouldn't do to read those journals Heyes wrote!!!   reading 

BeeJay - Yep, you succeeded in lightening up the challenges with this one!  Love the crabby, overworked sheriff who didn't want anymore work, even if it meant arresting the notorious Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry.  The boys tried so hard to get arrested, but failed in their quest.  Hmm... wonder what plan B will be?   scratch   Fun Challenge, BeeJay!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014   Tue Jan 28, 2014 5:27 pm

Sister Grace: I agree with the others, sad but realistic. Heyes spent his days doing the one thing he could do; telling his, and Kid Curry''s story, in his own words. It was the only legacy he could leave, and the best way he could honor his friend.

BeeJay: Definitely a lighter note, and also realistic! What Sheriff in his right mind would believe that Heyes and Curry would just give themselves up so easily, after so many years of running? Oh the irony! I can picture the boys walking away, saying to each other, "Well, now what do we do?"

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