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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:48 pm

Remuda - Overspill area - Cute and clever poem! Enjoyed it very much.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:32 pm

Remuda -- I'm always impressed by versifiers. Really enjoyed this.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:23 pm

Finishing March off:

Penski - That story truly describes March weather. I liked the "Grandpa Curry lied" line. Good job!

Remuda - I have faith that Kid could've beaten that 'musician'! Interesting notes at the end. Well written.

And starting on April:

Cornelia - What a cruel joke Lom played on the boys! I hope they repay the favor someday.

Maz - I always love when song lyrics get rewritten and these were great!

Wichita - No wonder Kid said "sorry isn't good enough"! Kyle better stay away from him for a while. Good job!

Riders - Polka dot antelopes, I love it! The reasons for the arguments were wonderful. Well written!

Sistergrace - Liked how Heyes knew exactly what Mary needed, even if she didn't. Loved that last line. Great job!

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PostSubject: Inside outlaw --- pole axed   Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:49 pm

Inside outlaw just finished your pole axe word challenge. This was an entertaining tale, very good description on the feelings... from the smoke to how the outdoors felt so good. I like your description of his breath being so It could skin a cat. This is a phrase I have never heard before. Did you make it up? Or is it something from your past? I love the fact that Heyes poleaxed the guy down and I can even see the very Mischievous grin Heyes had plastered across his face when Kid turned Around. Very well done! Enjoy it immensely.

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PostSubject: Riders57 Foolish Things   Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:03 pm

howdy Riders

I enjoyed the way Heyes tried to act like he was actually listening to kid and all the while kept asking him for coffee like it was truly part of the conversation he was having him. Seems the boys, was suffering a bit of cabin fever, even if they did not realize it themselves. Face-to-face, nose to nose, Eye to eye, all over a cup of coffee and some polka dot antelope. Laugh out loud - Fun little piece. And them having to break up a fight between the gang members – when they were being just as petty themselves. It is a good thing others do not know what goes on in the leaders. Good job!

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PostSubject: Sr. Grace – These foolish things   Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:16 pm

Sr. Grace – interesting tale, had me thinking all the way, many of the same thoughts I am sure many of us gals go through basically throughout the week. How do I see myself? how do people seeme? how old am I really? I once heard, inside of Everywoman hides a young girl, who has crushes and blushes and thoughts of the future. this story made me think of that young girl within myself even as Mary searched for the same type of answers within her self. How wonderful it would be to meet gracious, charming soul like Hannibal to bolster your spirits after a rough time of self introspection. Very nice tale, thank you for the hard work of writing and sharing.

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PostSubject: Stormr - Foolish Things   Thu Apr 11, 2013 4:32 am

Stormrs57


Have to say right off the bat...I grinned when I read this "“I…” she stammered, seeing a dimpled smile spread across the most gorgeous face she had ever seen." thinking that would have been basically my reaction too.

And you are so very right here, "Turning towards the silky voice," ahhh...I am feeling much like your flustered young lady. "actually I need something sweet, like chocolate!” -- I think I do too.

Mmmmm very nice. Very Nice indeed. sm


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 11, 2013 5:42 am

Storm -- always enjoy it when you participate in the challenge. Good job on never mentioning their names. I loved the phrase "... diving into the lakes of ecstasy; bathed in pure unadulterated liquid chocolate." I'm not sure if I needed to eat something sweet after reading this or to brush my teeth from all the sugar. A very fun read.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 11, 2013 6:07 am

Storm
Oh my, you have me grinning ear to ear first thing in the morning! Very Happy I love this! So many wonderful similes and metaphors to describe our guys. Have to agree with Riders on the
unadulterated chocolate one, although as a Kidette, I'm more attracted to, "Just to hop in and cool off in those aquamarine pools of life would certainly cool me off." Oh yes, they would! sm And...chaps? Embarassed Twisted Evil So many wonderful ways to describe the boys without ever having to mention their names, yet we know exactly who you meant. But, then, they're all really, really fun! Oh, flustered, foolish young woman -- captivated by two handsome strangers and her mind turns to...food??!! Shocked Admittedly, I'm not a chocoholic, but perhaps others who are will understand this young woman; I don't. Oh well, more for the rest of us! This certainly woke me up before my caffeine -- Great job! You never fail to hit my funny bone. Laughing Clapping hard! applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:16 am

Riders - Yup, fits the prompt to a 'T.' Arguing over something that stupid certainly is a foolish thing! It would certainly give me pause to hear two fighting men shout 'Kill' and 'Run' like that. Great last lines.

Sistergrace - This was a great tale, one which almost every woman could relate to, now if I could just wander off and spend some time with a dimpled charmer, I'd soon cheer up. I loved how he saw through both her and her alias, and knew just how to get her to realise she how much she had at home. Wonderful!

Stormr - What a fun story, a veritable cornucopia of descriptive power, jam-packed with various descriptions of their eyes - yet she wanted chocolate!? I don't blame her for being tongue-tied though. Great fun!

Frankie - I want your job! You have time to write at work, (pause to sulk.) So Clementine's getting married, and sorting through her memories? This line really caught my attention - "Tomorrow she would become Mrs Clementine Wainright and she would pretend to be the happiest woman in the world but she would always love Heyes and Kid." Poor Clem!

Overspill

Remuda - This caught the rhythm of the original so well, yet you made it ASJ, full of longing and hope for the amnesty. Great job.



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:44 am

Riders - Fun story over two fighting men - well, four if you count Heyes and Curry bickering over the coffee. English is such a confusing mix of different langauges. I never heard of the Ditch terms, so I learned something new and had fun at the same time. thumbsup

Sistergrace - A poor, underappreciated woman is certainly something we all understand, but this made for such a lovely tale. Bittersweet and touching. Lovely!

Stormr - So funny! We've all been tongue-tied and shy, and I loved that she didn't know where to look next, into the pools of chocolate or the sapphires. I'm not sure I could choose either! I want chocolate now...

Frankie- What a lovely, bittersweet tale of remembrance and secrets. They do say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, don't they? Or is it double the heartbreak to lose two? Very sweet, now - what do you do for a living that you can write there? I'm nosey.

Remuda (overspill) - Great little poem! I couldn't write a poem to save my life, but I do like reading them.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:03 am

I wasn't sure if anyone would get the fact that I didn't use Heyes, Kid or any other name they go by! Can't believe it was picked up right away. Thanks for the comments and to all the writers and the wonderful suggestions in the "What to call Heyes and Kid" thread. No this challenge wasn't the purpose for the thread, but the bunny hopped when it saw so many ideas. I had hoped to get a challenge in for March but the bunny just wasn't interested in hopping. Must have been the cold weather we were having!!

So now I promise I will give my whole-hearted effort to keep up with April's challenges and comment.

First few -

Cornelia May - Mean Lom!!! I'm suprised Kid didn't take his gun out and shoot him. Heyes too for that matter.

Maz - applause applause I don't know the song but loved the poem. Reminds me of you....yes there are so many things in this world that oddly remind me of the boys.

WhichitaRed - A Can Can girl - guess Heyes was slightly suprised by that visual. Me thinks, Kyle should stay clear of Kid for awhile.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:49 am

Wha'dya know?! I seem to have a little time on my hands today too so am going to get to comment! Eldest son and hubby gone on rugby tour to France for the weekend and youngest gone to a friend's house so some peace and quiet for me! Yey!
And for those who want to know what my job is - I work on a very casual basis at an art gallery. It never gets really busy and yesterday I was going to frank a load of envelopes for a mail drop but the ink ran out and the suppliers had sent the wrong cartridges! So I had to entertain myself for an hour or two!

Here goes fellow challengers:
Cornelia May - Lom does like to live dangerously doesn't he? Don't think the amnesty is the best thing to have some fun with for the boys!

Maz - I've said it before and I'll say it again - you need to get out more .... no, not that far!!!!! Rolling Eyes Another fun and clever contribution.

Wichita Red
- Oh Claudette, you little minx! Fave line was 'While I dance ... I kick, kick, kick' Kid's eyes must have nearly popped out of his head! Suspect

Riders - Trouble brewing at DH? It ain't Kid and Heyes fighting - well, not quite! Clever play on words. English is silly isn't it?!

Sistergrace - Having one of those days were we - I mean - was she?!!! ; ) I think this is a tale we can all relate to at some time or another.

Storm - Loved the use of all those descriptive phrases! And we all know exactly to which one you are referring! Fun read.

I did it! I commented!!!! Happy now Remuda?!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:16 am

Wichita Red - Oh, a high kicking dancer with a (very) cheeky way of getting herself noticed, will the Kid ever find her again? My guess is that he'll keep the garter to see if it fits his lost love when he finds her again. The next question is, how will Kid extract revenge from poor Kyle? I hope he's not too hard on him, I love Kyle!

Riders - English is such a strange language, I don't know how those of you who write in a second language do so well, but it was very clever of you to use some of the words sucked from other tongues as a foolish thing to fight over. I'll bet the USA has more of those peculiarities than we have over the pond, so it was interesting to read of the Dutch connection to these words. Very original and great last line.

Sistergrace - I loved this one. Haven't we all felt like that at times? I usually head for the gym, but next time I'm going to seek out a railway carriage in the hope I can snare myself an ex-outlaw using a pocketful of cookies. Who knew I was doing it so wrong all these years? No

Stormr - Wonderful! All these different descriptions of the boys without a single name. Of course we knew exactly who you were talking about. I'm off to plunge into an aquamarine pool bath and munch on some chocolate. Very clever!

Frankie - I won't bore you with what I write at work. Needless to say It's not worthy of posting. Poor Clem. The last paragraph made me wonder if she was marrying for security.

Overspill

Remuda - Poetry! I so respect you poem adapters, with your rhyming rythms. I just can't do anything like it. Very wistful.



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:15 pm

Storm - Poor young lady stumbling into these two. Love the descriptions she thinks of as she swoons into their eyes. I AM a professed chocoholic, but very much enjoy a beautiful sapphire, too. Very cute!

Frankie! You're back! I can hear the Kid now... "Dang, I'm gonna get hurt, huh?" Yep, he did. Loved Clementine remeniecing in her box of cherished items. Loved the bullet & card, and the stories behind them. Like others, I loved that last paragraph.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:37 am

Storm - Oh my goodness! "Aquamarine pools of life?" "Wondrous pools of water he called eyes?" And the chaps! I'm not sure if I want to go find a bar of dark chocolate or take a cold shower! I loved and noticed the little bit at the beginning - "the blond man pushed his partner aside" - maybe the boys were experiencing a little heat as well! You also conveyed some amusement the boys were feeling. Nice!

Frankie ASJ - Bittersweet. I felt Clem's regret and the sweet pain of her memories. It's a story of someone who "settled", isn't it? I wondered about the line where Clem thinks of her father: "She only wished he was here to walk her down the isle the next day, not that he would have approved of the man with whom she would stand at the altar." What was it? Does Clem realize she's making a mistake? Inquiring minds want to know!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:09 am

Storm: So many ways to describe those two awesome pairs of eyes! I think I'd find my mind wandering, too, if I bumped into our favorite outlaws. Of course, she'd opt for chocolate--fun story.

Frankie: How sad to know that you are settling for what you think you should have rather than what your heart desires. Clem has always struck me as a pragmatist and your story reflected her ability to do what she needed to to secure the future she want. Well-done.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 13, 2013 10:44 am

RosieAnnie: This was so good, I could swear I heard J.D. Cannon's voice in my ear. You channel Harry Briscoe better than anyone! I love the opening scene: Harry messing the bartender's name up, being reminded, and doing it again. Despite it all, Harry is no dummy here and has the wits to play Heyes's games to find out what is really going on. I'm glad he's chosen the nobler path, but I also wonder if this is not a part of a longer story. applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:42 am

RosieAnnie - I love a fairly competent Harry who can hold his own with most. He realizes, though Morehouse's offer is empting, the drawbacks far outweigh the positives. Cute how he kept thinking, "What would Heyes do?" and how doing so benefitted him. Wonderful challenge! You had Harry's character spot-on!

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PostSubject: thank you    Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:04 am

sunny offt sunny Kind of, maybe, not sure...if so I apologize. . . but iI am not sure where else to go and I do want to say Thank y’all muchly for the interest and kind comments.

On these Foolish Things, I have to admit I never saw the whole fooling around pun..so focused was I on the line/scene for the garters right. (roll my eyes at myself. . jeez) Glad y'all got a kick out of Claudette though.

I had to write this one for Curry. Why? Say all the Heyes Gals as you can see that would be me too. Because, well I could not see Heyes blushing at all in this scene for he is often too much of a rapscallion.

Yeah, I imagine the Kid was a real grump to deal with and got out of most camp duties on the way back to the Hole….but luckily he is a good tempered chap overall so Kyle got away scott free in the long run. I couldn’t really hurt Kyle. I like him too much too.

Thank y’all muchly for the interest and kind comments.

Lastly since I have already broke protocol, I am going ask this, when you comment off a monthly tale it is here I know. What about the weekly word challenges? Is it here or somewhere else you are supposed to comment.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:59 am

Wichita, you can post comments for the weekly word challenge in the "Cool Commentary" thread, located near the top of the Weekly Word Challenge forum as a sticky.
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PostSubject: Foolish things   Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:49 am

Frankieasj

I enjoyed Clementine spending time going through her memories. It was heartfelt, sweet and a little bittersweet. But appreciated how she never chose to go between the boys either in her heart or in reality. Well-written, insightful piece thank you

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 14, 2013 5:06 pm

Cornelia May: Clever idea for a story. But, oh, that's so mean of Lom! I hope the boys pull a prank on him to get even!

Maz: I confess, I didn't realize the prompt was a song. (I just googled the phrase after reading your intro and found that out). Love your version! The rhymes are great and so is your idea for how to respond to this month's challenge. Well done.

Wichita Red: Poor Kid! I'm not sure if he was saved in the nick of time or…not. But it figures he'd be the one to have the dancer in his room. Fun story.

Riders57: Yup, that sure was a foolish thing to fight over! But you wrote a very interesting story as a result. Enjoyed Kid's mounting frustration, as evidenced by his more and more ridiculous animals. BTW, having lived in New York City, I was always struck by the name Fresh Kills and I'm also familiar, having lived in Pennsylvania, with the Schuylkill River, both legacies of the Dutch.

Sister Grace: A very different take from the stories posted so far. But not out of the realm of the kind of stories you sometimes write. By which I mean, this one completely conforms to your style of writing about sorta lost souls who, eventually, find themselves again. Great exchange about aliases. Heyes was very kind here--like he knew what and what not to say to help his companion. Very nice!

Stormr: Great descriptions of the physical features of the boys! That woman sure was foolish, herself! On the other hand, who wouldn't be, given the same circumstances??? I wonder if the boys knew why she was behaving that way. Fun story.

FrankieASJ: I guessed who the narrator was during the sixth paragraph and then it was very interesting to read how you described the other two characters in the rest of the story. I wonder, though: You made it sound almost as if they were dead. But the whole scenario was believable and bittersweet and I enjoyed the story very much.

RosieAnnie: Wow, you did the impossible: You made Harry sympathetic and upstanding! This story was very well crafted and I really liked the part about Harry's Quaker mother and what she told him. Good introspection by Harry and I'm glad he realized who his friends really are. A very enjoyable read.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 14, 2013 6:02 pm

From the Overspill area; Remuda:


I think that I shall never see
Such a lovely challenge story;

A story whose ASJ rhymes are blessed
By the echo of a poem which, I confess,

Has lasted through the test of time
And yet--your version is more sublime.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 14, 2013 6:32 pm

Storm - I LOVE the descriptions of the boys, especially the eyes! And like others, I have a sudden urge for chocolate...Very well written. I knew exactly who was talking and who was being talked about.

Frankie - This was a bittersweet story. I felt sorry for Clementine, but of course she could never choose between them. I could feel her sorrow mixed with happiness. Great writing!

RosieAnnie - You write Harry Briscoe so well. He seems quite confident and competent in this story. Glad he decided to be a loyal friend to Heyes and Kid. Liked the way he recalled and used some of Heyes' tricks. Good story!

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