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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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Cornelia May
Kid4ever
Calico
WichitaRed
Maz
sistergrace
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
RosieAnnie
Penski
HannaHeyes
InsideOutlaw
skykomish
17 posters
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw


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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Maybe    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu May 30, 2013 6:03 am

RosieAnnie: How do you do such a wonderful job of capturing these characters' voices? I could easily hear Caroline's voice while I read. Lom and Miss Porter make a good pairing. She is bright, but still girlish and he is more mature, but less experienced in courtship. Poor Daddy and Mother, they don't sound as happy as Caroline.
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sistergrace

sistergrace


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu May 30, 2013 3:24 pm

Maz - Oooo, this is wonderful! Does it go with the Ranch Days series, huh? Huh? Huh? Clapping!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 713145813

Claybank - Great! I enjoyed your fresh view of the reunion of Heyes and Curry. Looking forward to reading more from you!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 1992828207

InsideOutlaw - I like the glimpse into the minds of HH and KC. Well told!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 3980218871

Yope1995 - This gang of female outlaws sounds like a real fine bunch. Fun story, Yope! jocolor

riders57 - LOL! Very cute, riders! Maybe Heyes should have been a psychologist!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 312503953

RosieAnnie - What a unique and cleverly written piece! Great challenge, Rosie! I enjoyed it thoroughly.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 713145813

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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu May 30, 2013 5:46 pm

RosieAnnie -- I always look forward to your takes on the various episodes. This is a nice continuation of Miss Porter. It makes sense that Lom would be an eligible batchelor in the area. I really enjoyed your device of using the letters to her mother to tell the story. Well done! applause
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu May 30, 2013 8:26 pm

RosieAnnie - I really enjoyed reading Ms. Porter's (Trevors) letters to her Mom. What a wonderful way to tell the story! Sounds like she's very happy in her new life. Well done!

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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2013 5:15 am

Remuda, that was a charming interlude. The dialogue feels natural and easy. I felt like I was reading a deleted scene from the episode, only better written and more logical than some other scenes in that particular episode. Kid's able to poke major holes in her story without sounding mean or sarcastic, and that seems totally in character for him. Yep, he's definitely got a soft spot for "needy folks," doesn't he?

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2013 5:53 am

Remuda - This was a great added scene. Loved Kid's attitude toward Annabelle. He sure is a sucker for needy folk! Wonderful!

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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2013 6:25 am

Remuda:Fun missing scene. This really shows how much more worldly and experienced the Kid is when compared to Annabelle despite being only a few years older. Like Rosie said, you did a great job of having him let her know he didn't believe her stories without being nasty about it. The dialogue flowed nicely and was completely believable. Annabelle certainly dreams big (or is totally delusional)!
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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2013 10:39 am

Penski, Frankie, you are good writers, but evil evil evil!!! Not one, but two cliffhangars? Oh, you are so mean!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 984495496

Interesting how Penski gives all sorts of information about snakebites, and Frankie gives no information about Kid's injury, but both methods of exposition work to build the suspense. Another contrast: Kid does everything he knows to help Heyes recover, but the author's notes tell us his methods really don't work. Meanwhile, Heyes doesn't even know what's really wrong with Kid, and there is nothing he can do to help. I am wondering if the fall or the conversation about food poisoning is the red herring in Frankie's story.

Both of you built the suspense well, not just about the injuries but with the background mystery of Lom's message. Yeah, it could be the amnesty, but it could be a lot of other things, too. I have to think that Lom wouldn't call for them to come, were it not important.

Please finish these! The suspense is killing me! Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

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"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Penski
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Penski


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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2013 1:31 pm

Remuda - Nice missing scene between the Kid and Annabelle. Very subtle how he shows her how her thinking is wrong. Favorite lines - Kid once again lifted his hat, this time gracefully rolling to a sitting position. He sighed. “Well, looks like I ain’t gonna get any more shut-eye with you talkin’ on.” He looked at her. “You remind me of my partner, ‘cept you’re prettier.”

Frankie - Oh... lots of angst like I knew it'd be! Interesting how neither of us hurt them with a bullet or had them chased by a posse / bounty hunter. Loved how Heyes has no idea of what is really wrong with his partner or how he's going to "fix" it. Lots of clapping!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Calico

Calico


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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 4:21 am


5) riders
Lovely episode echoes as they debate the pros and cons of visiting Big Mac again.
Are we having a play on words on the May Bee??
Oooh has the beesting affected HHs confidence?
AH! It’s a HH plan to get the Kid onside! Clever, Riders. I like that little two hander.

6) RosieAnnie
Dear Miss Porter! She is so perky – even in a letter! They only lost $47.53?? Hmm? I wonder if HH worked that out as ‘justifiable expenses’?? (Half teasing.)
He MAY have a few gray hairs – and some may even have follicles. Snirt. Still lurve you though, Lom.
Lom invited Mister Smith and that other fella to the wedding??!! Sheesh, love must have made him light headed! Awww. Well done Miss Porter. You’ve snapped on the manacles, huh?
Clever Rosie! A lovely mini-novel in letters.


7) Remuda
Oh, darling Kid. Love him snoring through the bard.
A missing scene from that box car? Smashing. Well, Kid – I think several Curryettes might disagree with you and think that box car IS romantic – given the company. Loving the mutual stomach grumbling. Nice, Remuda! And not an episode I think I’ve read many missing scenes from?

8) Penski
Is it? Is it? Amnesty or a heart wrenching disappointment – reading, reading.
A rattler got Heyes? Didn’t see that coming.
No! I mean EXCELLENT stopping point for a short story but… NO! He was okay, huh? I mean, through a boot, almost immediate venom sucking, alcohol cleaning the wound. He’ll be fine. Gulp.

9) FrankieASJ
Oh, Kid – you old West hero, you, gritting your manly jaw and keeping schtum on a cracked rib. Kidette hearts everywhere will thrum.
Has he punctured something inside? (Gnaws a nail, worriedly.)
Very tense, Frankie. Clapping! (Poor boys, you and Penski ganging up on them in a pincer movement.)
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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 6:14 am

Well a good trio to end the month.

Remuda -- this definitely has shades of your saddle talks -- maybe it's a boxcar talk instead? I think you nailed Annabelle's personality with this and maybe, just maybe at the end there she's remembering her young wheat farmer back home -- and his name -- maybe not Romeo, but a rose by any other name...

Penski -- just the right touch of angst. It does have me wondering what Lom wanted them for and if, maybe, by the time they get there it'll be too late. The story had a natural flow to it, congratulations.

Frankie -- and we end as we began the month with angst -- although of a different type. Maybe it's not a broken rib if blood is mixed with his stomach contents, but maybe it is. Again, even assuming they make it to Lom's, I wonder if it will be too late for whatever Lom wanted.
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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 7:45 am

Maz - Beautifully written and very touching. Interesteing that you never said which partner, and I do like stories where they push me to look at different sides of the story, and not naming him makes us do that. I think I came down on it being the Kid.

Claybank - A very different take on how they came into the gang, and all the better for it. Lots of originality and a great take on the prompt. I also agree with Skykomish, that the boys seem more recidivistic and aren't innocent, little victims driven to the life. I like them with a harsher edge, and thsi story got the balance just right.

InsideOutlaw - The unwritten scene from the pilot makes for a great 'maybe' story. I like the idea that Heyes had become bored with outlaw life and had taken his eye off the ball. It accounts for why they were so bumbling in the pilot, but were clearly a whole lot smarter than that when the series continued.

Yope - I always love it when they start bickering, and this caught them at their best. Oh, some of those robbers were awfully familiar. Surely the Outlaw Appreciation Society haven't gone off the straight and narrow? I was going to say, 'gone over to the dark side,' but we know that loads of them already have.

Riders - This really didn't go where I thought it would and I love ot when a story does that. Loved throwing a rock in the bush to see if thre were any bears in there.

RosieAnnie - What an original format, to use letters home and to also use two Miss Porter and Lom. I love the idea of Lom settling down and being happy with her! The way you balanced their characters; her open - bouncy and Lom - slightly guarded and protective, makes just a lovely couple. Very well done.

Remuda - Another missing scene, and another goody. You really caught the naive, foolishness but Kid never makes her feel stupid. He's too much of a gentleman. I loved the lines: "Well, looks like I ain’t gonna get any more shut-eye with you talkin’ on.” He looked at her. “You remind me of my partner, ‘cept you’re

Penski - I'm so glad that you and Frankie had this private challenge too. It gave us these wonderful tales! SO did not expect the snakebite, but you built the tension so well you just don't know if Heyes is going to buy it. Adored all the notes that came with this one.

Frankie - Without swapping notes you went for the other partner. Aren't we cruel to the poor boys!? Having broken ribs in the course of my duty I can totally sypmathise with the Kid on this one, but at least he didn't have demonstrative children trying to cuddle him to make him better.







Last edited by Hunkeydorey on Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 8:03 am

Penski and Frankie:How fun that you worked together to make sure the Heyes fans and the Kid fans both got a cliffhanger. Each story is very well-written and left us wondering if our favorite outlaw was going to be all right. I hope there's more to both of these stories!
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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 9:40 am

RosieAnnie - What a good way to tell a tale, through the letters like this. What a lovely couple they make too, with her being so open and loving and him being emotionally guarded. You just know Lom will look after her, and they would have lovely children too.

Remuda - I always found Annabelle a bit annoying, but you could see why the Kid would look after her. This missing scene really showed how he is emotionally so much older than her and tolerated her fantasy becasue he knew her inner life was probably so much better than her real one. Very well done.

Penski - A very angsty tale, and the notes were wonderful! I'm glad he was only bitten through the boot to give him a chance. Were they heading for amnesty only for one of them not to make it? Maybe...?

Frankie - More angst and a terrific private challenge. Poor Kid does seem to be badly injured, but will he make it to Lom's, and will he enjoy freedom? Loved it.
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sistergrace

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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 10:49 am

Remuda - Favorite lines:

“Wait, you’re not thinkin’, you and me…?”

“No, of course not!” she said flusteredly. “I mean, not that you’re not…”


Kid Curry and an empty boxcar. Sounds like an opportunity for Authentic Experience just waiting to happen!

Very enjoyable missing scene, Remuda!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 1992828207

Penski - This line sums up one GREAT use of the prompt: “Maybe you won’t die tonight.” Living through the night is always a plus.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 184121345 I appreciated your research and the inclusion of facts. I'm assuming Heyes will live (I hope) and I'm wondering if the boys REALLY get the amnesty this time, or if the governor will send them on another wild goose chase. Great suspense!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 713145813

Frankie - Yay, Frankie's back! The aristocrat of angst, the hero/console-r of the best hurt/comfort, the finesse-r of... confused Good to see you're writing again. Wonderful piece!  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 364988687

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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 1:35 pm

Maybe next time I won't wait to read all the stories at once. Then again, maybe I will!


Maz: Very believable vignette; fits right in with other stories you've written. Knowing you, I'm guessing it's Kid who's the narrator but really, it could be either of the boys. Loved all the maybes; that was very realistic. Very nicely done! Great line here: Something came between us like an axe splits a log.

Claybank: I enjoy reunion stories and this one had a different spin to it as all the others I've read had Heyes in the DHG first and then Kid joined the gang. Very interesting! Also liked how you slipped in Lom as a character. It seems like this story could be part of a longer one…yes? These lines reveal the dangerousness of the Kid very well: “I’m two years older than the last time we saw each other, and you’re still callin’ me Kid. Well, I got a revolver at the back of your head, and the bullet’ll leave it at the same speed no matter how old I look.”

InsideOutlaw: Lovely missing scene. Great introspection by both partners combined with the action of being chased by the posse. When explained like this, it makes perfect sense they'd try for amnesty! Liked this part a lot: Heyes was tired of it all; tired of keeping his men in line, tired of coming up with new plans, altogether tired of outlawing. The shine had worn off a long time ago for him, but there was only one way out of this corner he’d painted himself and the Kid into and he wasn’t ready to die yet or go to prison; neither was his partner.

Yope1995: Very cute! Funny about the key. Nice continuation of a previous story. The boys certainly have lots of reason for not being real happy! I appreciated this line: “Imagine an all female gang. Tsk. Don’t know what this world’s comin’ to.”

Riders57: Always fun to read about Big Mac. Lol'ed when Heyes threw a rock into the bushes to flush out a potential bear--I never did that as a kid! (Good thing there weren't any bears in the Philadelphia suburbs.) Oh--you tricked me! I thought there was going to be some kind of sci-fi twist, like an alien taking over Heyes' corporeal form and that was why he wasn't acting his normal self. But, no; it's just another Hannibal Heyes plan. Clever story!

RosieAnnie: What a clever idea for a story! You have captured the personality of Miss Porter very well. I was enjoying the letters from the beginning but when you mentioned Madeira, that sealed it as that's one of my favorite wines! Yeah, I'm sure she was sorry to hear of her parents' delay--of course she was! And of course there had to be a fairy tale ending. But I would dearly love to know what that young lady's parents said to her upon their return to Porterville!

Remuda: Annabelle annoys me no end but you managed to make her actually sympathetic here--well done! I can certainly see her quoting Romeo and Juliet. Enjoyed how Kid ran circles around her verbally--good for him! I liked this section very much: “Nope. I’m not from any four hundred; more like two – me and my partner.” Soberly, “And fate’s never been kind to us.”

Penski: Poor Heyes--getting bit by a snake ain't fun! (And I'm one to know.) Interesting that Kid swilled whiskey in his mouth first--that makes sense upon reading but I probably wouldn't have thought of it, myself. Did Kid keep a tourniquet on Heyes' leg--you don't mention it and I wondered. Also wondered if the summons to Porterville was indeed for amnesty--would be nice to have a continuation so we could find out! Thanks for the medical notes. Enjoyed this: As he peeled the egg, the batwing doors crashed open, making the inhabitants jump. The Kid dropped his egg, his hand hovering near the butt of his gun, as he twirled around.

FrankieASJ: Very interesting how the same basic idea can unfold in two different writers' hands. The angst was done well--as it always is by you!--and I could feel the confusion in Heyes' mind and pain in Kid's body as time went on. Hope you continue this! Appreciated this line, and the fact that it's so similar to one by Penski makes it even more enjoyable--must be a case of GMTA: There was nothing to be gained from getting the amnesty if Kid wasn’t at his side.


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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2013 2:47 pm

Frankie...loved it!

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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 02, 2013 6:14 pm

Inside Outlaw - I enjoyed this story very much. It explains Heyes' behavior during the pilot, and why he changed his mind about talking to Lom and going for the amnesty. One line did trouble me. Heyes' is talking about why the need Lom's help and says that the governor would "...throw us in irons." The phrase just seemed out of place when I read it. I wonder where the reference comes from and whether someone in the old west would use that phrase. Not a big deal. I enjoyed the banter and found most of the dialogue very well done and very true to both characters. Good job.

Yope - Very cute. I'm just wondering what we-- ...um that gang was after. Heyes and Curry rarely had more than a few dollars between them. What could they have worth stealing?? scratch One wonders.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 02, 2013 6:57 pm

Sky: Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.

Arm and leg irons were routinely used in jailhouses and prisons in the 1800's. As a matter of fact, you can still buy antique western ones online at Ebay. They were very common and probably a real concern for a captured outlaw.

Here's a link if anyone wants a pair. :)

http://www.ebay.com/bhp/prison-leg-irons

There's even a pair from the Wyoming Territorial Prison!


Last edited by InsideOutlaw on Mon Jun 03, 2013 5:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 02, 2013 9:02 pm

Claybank
So Kid joined the DHG first, but just a week before Heyes? Definitely a more original take on the tale than we’re used to seeing. Not surprised Heyes had to hightail it out of Arizona after a poker match – no telling how much trouble he got into without having Kid to watch his back. Nicely done!


Inside Outlaw

I like this expansion on the go for amnesty. It makes sense that the best of the best’s bad day was almost jinxed from the start; it was certainly contrary to our hearing they were the best at what they did. One misstep after another, however accidental, adds up to a botched job. This makes sense, as well as giving us a prime example to Heyes’ easily going along with Kid on the amnesty. Great line: “It ran through their fingers like the rain falling from the sky.” Well done!
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Yope1995

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Jun 03, 2013 7:24 am

skykomish wrote:
Inside Outlaw - I enjoyed this story very much. It explains Heyes' behavior during the pilot, and why he changed his mind about talking to Lom and going for the amnesty. One line did trouble me. Heyes' is talking about why the need Lom's help and says that the governor would "...throw us in irons." The phrase just seemed out of place when I read it. I wonder where the reference comes from and whether someone in the old west would use that phrase. Not a big deal. I enjoyed the banter and found most of the dialogue very well done and very true to both characters. Good job.

Yope - Very cute. I'm just wondering what we-- ...um that gang was after. Heyes and Curry rarely had more than a few dollars between them. What could they have worth stealing?? scratch One wonders.

Perhaps our- I mean, the boys themselves? ;) They were lcuky to get away from us! Er, I mean them lowdown robbin' females! Twisted Evil

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FrankieASJ

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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Jun 03, 2013 2:03 pm

Found a few quiet moments so here's a few comments:

Maz: The sheer simplicity, subtle emotion and ambiguity of this piece was very pleasing - very pleasing indeed. Loved it.
 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 364988687

Claybank: Nice interpretation of the early DHG days and a good twist on the usual assumptions. Enjoyable read.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 1992828207

IO:
I guess we'll really never know if they got amnesty but enjoyed the missing scene you set out here.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 3239771201

Yope: Maybe they will - maybe they won't run into the gang again but if I had my way I'd make sure there were no maybes about it!
Twisted Evil

Riders:What jolly banter and a clever turn in the tale at the end. Poor Kid - it must be hard living with such a genius! Rolling Eyes

RosieAnnie: What a delight this challenge was from beginning to end. Beautifully written and laid out.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 713145813

Remuda: Wonderful characterisation of Annabelle - and Kid too! Really did seem like a cut scene.
 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 1428739134

Penski: It was ok I suppose!!!!!!
 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 1683801514  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 312503953  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 178773340

Actually it was really good.  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 984495496

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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Jun 03, 2013 7:47 pm

I'm always amazed that people can get out of the gate as quickly as they do. It's the evening of the 3rd, and already, two stories are posted for the June challenge. Here's hoping these are just the first of many submissions for this month. I guess that means I better get started on something myself. Anyway . . .

Maz, you are the mistress of dialogue for sure! Kid shows that it's hard to appreciate all the things that went right when one big thing went wrong, and you're hurting. And Heyes is just a wee bit short on empathy here, when he stresses all he did right and insinuates maybe Kid made a mistake. Yep, I think I can hear those voices, still arguing, echoing through the canyon.

Riders 57, I remember "The Goodnight Trail." I'm glad you wrote a continuation of it. I can just see Kid comparing childbirth to calving, and knowing that the former would be way over his head! The balanced conversation between Tex and Kid is handled well - Tex trying to save he couldn't offer Kid a job, and Kid really not wanting a job! I like how you describe Kid's and Heyes' reaction to the lack of news about each other. I could feel their attitudes hardening and the hurt feelings getting even worse. I liked this story very much.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Jun 03, 2013 8:18 pm

Maz, no reason to apologize for being first -- especially with a story as fun as this one. Had a great time reading along, trying to figure out why the Kid was so unhappy with an, apparently, successful robbery -- and what poetic justice. Those boys and cougars just don't get along, do they? LOL.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Jun 04, 2013 8:42 am

First off I apologize for not commenting too regularly lately. No excuse really, I'm not even working right now so I can't say I haven't had time though it sure feels like that. I suppose I just couldn't get my head into it with all the changes in my life. But it's been a month now and things are starting to calm down so I will try and be more communicative.

Maz; This was a fun story, trying to figure out what Kid was so upset about. The robbery had been an unqualified success after all! Then we find out that he had a broken ankle (or badly sprained) so that would account to the bad mood. But then discover that they'd fallen into a cougar trap--well that just took the cake. No wonder he was so riled! And Heyes trying to defend himself and perhaps put some of the heat back onto his partner.
The final line is priceless and really catches the mood of the whole tale.

Riders; This was a nice introspective tale. Both partners making decisions that would change the course of their lives and both feeling hurt that the other hadn't made the first move to apologize. Funny, I don't see either one of them as ranchers either; if they liked that life-style then that's probably what they would have done instead of outlawing so why would they go back to it once they had their amnesty. What a waste of talent!
I fell for it, I must admit! Just automatically assumed that 'Jim' was Jim Santana but you did a good job of slipping the other 'Jim' in there. Of course after I read it than I thought well that makes sense since Heyes was with that gang before he and Kid got back together and moved on to better things!
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