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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Foolish things   Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:17 pm

RosieAnnie

“Foolish things. Like loyalty to a friend. Faithfulness. Kindness. These foolish things that may never make you rich or famous, that’re more valuable than money

Not once did this idea come to mind when I thought on a topic for this months challenge and of all the foolish things I do like your the best because they are so blatantly truthful. This is the first Harry story I have read but you did him justice I could see him sitting their in his natty ill fitting suit and I loved how he took ideas from his knowledge of Heyes to assist him in this situatio. Thanks for the story

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:59 am

Frankie -- glad you found time to write this month. I wonder if you're considering expanding this story -- it leaves many open questions -- what happened to her father? Why would he not have approved of the man she is marrying? (what exactly are these decidedly strange views?), what's become of Heyes and Kid (are they dead?), when was the incident with the bullet -- presumably during their outlaw days. I was surprised by the chaste kiss on the check as they were leaving after that -- in the Clem episodes the kissing was well beyond the chaste kiss stage. Anyway, as I've noted there are many ways this could be expanded (even beyond the ones I mentioned), so hope you decide to do so.

RosieAnnie -- you've done an excellent portrayal of Harry and made him an honorable man, despite his obvious flaws. I really like your portrayal and his decision to stick by those foolish things his mother spoke of. I also liked the way you reflected on his interaction with the boys -- Heyes in particular -- a very skillful job of showing their relationship. Well done.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 15, 2013 3:09 pm

RosieAnn; this was a very nice story and very well written. You kept Harry true to his character and yet allowed him show some honest humanity which we all know this there, buried--somewhere--in his heart. Yes, Harry and the boys have been through too much together by now for some reporter with promises of glory and financial security to come between them. Well done to both you and Harry!!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:10 pm

Getting to these all out of order so apologies.

Frankie: I was trying to decide of Clem had chosen one of the boys over the other. Such a sweet sad story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 20, 2013 2:18 pm

Penski - Good story about Lom's second meeting with the governor. I can imagine that's exactly how it went. Nice references to different episodes.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:52 pm

Penski: All too realistic. Very easy to see the governor reflecting on what he said a year earlier and realizing it was a "What was I thinking?" moment.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:24 am

Penski -- a well-written story. Written very believably. I particularly like the specific references to the politics of the moment, with the change in Presidents.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 26, 2013 6:35 am

Penski: This was a very believable tale of why the amnesty would've dragged on and on. You set the mood so nicely in the beginning with your description of Lom waiting patiently listening to the sounds of the pen scratching against the paper. I'll bet the governor never expected them to last that year and would be regretting his offer!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:30 pm

stormr - You used the "nameless" technique very eloquently! Good job. I can certainly understand this young woman's dilemma too. The person who first invented chocolate covered strawberries probably faced a similar situation--When deciding between two of the world's most perfect ingredients, why choose?! Twisted Evil


Frankie - So happy to see you've written a challenge this month, not to mention, a lovely, angst-ridden one! You do this genre so well. This one really tugs at the heart-strings. I finally caught on that Clem was doing the remembering right when you used the words, "dimpled smile." Just like the gal in stormr's story, what a wonderful dilemma!


RosieAnnie - This is a great story! I'm clapping loudly. Enjoyed the glimpse into a little bit of Harry's past. Loved how Harry drew Morehouse out by asking himself what Heyes might say!


Penski - It sure was a foolish promise for the governor to make, but he did. I liked how we kept coming back to that ticking clock, marking the slow passage of time between the beginning of HH and KC's attempt for amnesty and the far-off day when the governor just MIGHT make good on his promise. Great story, Penski! Two thumbs up.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:15 pm


1) Cornelia May
Oh Lom, Lom, Lom – that was a bit mean. I can understand you might have a few old scores to settle with the boys always pulling your leg about your back door and dropping you in it with Miss Porter, but…
I guess you thought Lom deserved the last laugh for once, huh, Cornelia? Nice little short with our favourite co-star there.

2) Maz
Oh, you lovely lyrical one. Are you draped over a pianny in your goddess dress and smouldering at Kid as you sing? Hey, you worked in a favourite Brit! Clever clogs. Huge smile on my face here.

3) WichitaRed
Waking up in the small hours with naughty, naughty thoughts about the boys are you Wichita?? Well, at least you’re sharing nicely!
Always go for a girl who can can, Kid. You don’t want one who can’t can’t.
Loving Kid blushing at the unmentionables adjustment.
Oh Wichita – Comme vous etes amusant! Oooh la la! Brava! Brava!

4) riders57
Loving our inattentive Heyes not hearing a word Kid says. Careful of those pink elephants though – they always come with a headache in the morning. Liking the cold shower from the roof holes too. What a clever idea for a misunderstanding Riders!!! And of course our boys realise how foolish squabbling is. Bless.

5) Sistergrace
Sheesh, I know how you feel, Mary. There’s an abyss of paperwork been a sucking down of me today! I should have gone hid in a train.
I don’t blame you, Heyes – there is no right answer to ‘How old do you think I am?’
Awww. AWWWWWWW. Sniffle with a smile. Really liked that.

6) Stormr
So, you’re tripping up outside a store, Storm, and bouncing from strong arms to strong arms…
This woman needs oral gratification immediately! Break the emergency glass on the finger of fudge (which is just enough.)
Chocolate, ex-outlaw, chocolate, ex-outlaw – ah, the agony of choice.
(Chocolate body paint ON an ex-outlaw???) blimey

7) FrankieASJ
It’s our Clem! Clever reveal, Frankie. Awww – and she still loves them. Sweet, sweet, sweet.

8) RosieAnnie
Love Harry’s “Just checking” excuse when he gets the barkeep’s name wrong. You have someone tempting our Harry! No! We trust you, Harry – we think.
Ah, he’s learnt from Heyes – good chap.
Harry, we are proud of you. Was rooting for him to say the right things, Rosie.

9) Penski
Another Lom story – I am getting spoilt this month.
And a nice recap of our boys’s good deeds over the year.
Good take on the Governor’s position there, Penski, caught up in all that political pressure. Poor boys. Very believable.

10) Remuda
Another lyrical one! You rhyming gals are wonderful! Aw, “Wishes are made by fools like we,
But only the gov'nor proclaims amnesty.” Ain’t that the truth!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Wed May 01, 2013 4:14 pm

Apologies to one and all for my lack of reading and commenting. Real life keeping me busy and this week we have a surprise visit from...OFSTED!
Government Inspectors for schools.
Shocked

Everyone running around like demented chickens..ooh is that the title for this months challenge?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri May 03, 2013 4:16 am

RosieAnnie - What's not to love about a story with Harry in it? You had me worried for a few minutes there, because Harry's shiftiness meant he could go either way, but he came through in the end and did the right thing. It's a testament to your writing that you kept me guessing until the end. Great story.

Penski
- Great take on the prompt, and captured the political mood changing like the wind to try to capture the mood of the voters and the Governor's backers. Of course he's gonna come down on the side of self-interest - he's a politician, and they're the same now as they were then! Love the historical touches. I'm a sucker for those.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat May 04, 2013 5:10 am

RosieAnnie - Harry is so easily tempted, but I glad his loyalty to the boys won out. It could have so easily gone the other way. You caught his character so well, especially when he got the barman's name wrong. applause

Penski - Lom's getting a good outing this month, let's hope we've not worn the poor man out. You beautifully catch the political pressures on the Governor, as well as everything the boys have done to earn amnesty. He was always going to come down on self interest at the boys expense, but this caught all sides of the story so well.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat May 04, 2013 9:47 am

RosieAnnie - I do love Harry, he's one of my favourites, and you have captured him so well in this story. All those little touches like 'Just checking,' with the barman, and it was really interesting to find out his folks were quakers. As others have said, you kept us guessing until the end. Great story.

Penski - One problem with posting as a catch up is that everything has already been said and it's hard to say anything new about it. I really enjoyed this and found the self-interest of the Governor to be exactly what you'd expect from a politician. I do wonder how long men like Heyes and Curry would allow themselves to be strung along before they took matters into their own hands. This was very visual and read in my mind's eye like a scene.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat May 04, 2013 2:41 pm


Penski: This struck me as kind of a missing scene: I can imagine it as the coda for the series. Enjoyed the references to episodes and the summary of why the boys deserved amnesty. Great use of the prompt at the end! I liked this a lot.

Remuda: I commented previously on this submission but will say again that although I like the original poem, I like your version much better! Great adaptation.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon May 06, 2013 2:41 pm

That was a haunting piece Maz. So much said in such a short space. Such a sad tale for such a beautiful day--here that is!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon May 06, 2013 3:42 pm

Maz - Reminded me of that season 3 episode where the boys are arguing and discussing if they should separate. The Kid goes a different path and Heyes yells, "Not now! When I say." Liked Keays use of "haunting" to describe this piece. So few words but so much said! Great job!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon May 06, 2013 5:14 pm

What episode was that Penski, I don't rightly remember.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 7:45 am

Maz, that was terrific. It would be easy to overuse the prompt word, but you didn't do that. This was reflective and sad. How often do we regret what we did and said, in the heat of the moment? I was wondering about what period of time it takes place, because it feels like it happened in their later years, and not in their youth.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 2:59 pm

Cornelia May wrote:
What episode was that Penski, I don't rightly remember.

Cornelia May, the scene Penski is referring to is near the beginning of The Strange Fate of Conrad Meyer Zulick. About 9 minutes into the episode. I really enjoy that scene.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 4:34 pm

Thanks Sister Grace, Sorrell Brooke was truly unrecognizable to me in this episode.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 6:08 pm

Maz - That was a very emotional and well written piece. It spoke volumes. I do hope that wasn't the final time they separated.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 8:12 pm

Cornelia May, the boys also very briefly mention "busting up" in "The Long Chase" twice toward the end, in the 33- and 46-minute marks, although it seems more in jest than serious.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue May 07, 2013 8:35 pm

Maz
What a great take on the prompt. As others have noted, this is beautifully written and conceived, as well as palpably evocative. The boys might occasionally discuss breaking up as a means to amnesty, either seriously or in jest, but I can't imagine either ever really meaning it. Here, brevity makes it all the more poignant. Clapping!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Wed May 08, 2013 2:34 pm

Maz -- as others have noted a great and very poignant vignette. Maybe a precursor to a series of great stories this month?


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