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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:42 am

Wichita Red: That was a cute Devil's Hole story. No, I didn't guess that Kyle was the singer. But I was able to tell if it was Heyes or Curry speaking, and that's a good thing in a "saddle talk" kind of dialogue story. Good job!

Maz: As always, the banter is priceless. You found a clever way to use the prompt, too.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:07 am

Maz -- aah, you brought out the orphling's. Very cute story, you managed to convey their different personalities in very few words. And, yes in these days of modern medicine one forgets just how devastating illness could be and the nerve damage that was caused by high fevers in those days (my grandfather lost his hearing from it but survived diptheria when he was a boy). Anyway, a very enjoyable snippet.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:04 am

Maz this was a quick to the point tale...poor Jed being sent back out the garden while Han gets to laze around doing what he loves best anyhow. Good chatter between the characters. Thanks

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 9:52 am

Riders - This really captured the loyalty which marks out the boys, not just to each other, but to those who let them into their lives. It was so in character for the Kid to go back for Jim. A tough choice, but he must have known Heyes was alright. It didn't end the way I thought it would, I thought this was going to be Jim's arrest and capture, so great misdirection.

WichitaRed - Yay! A first challenge and let's hope there will be many more. What a fun story it was too. I loved the bickering, and the singing going on in the background, keeping them awake. A great story, a truly original take on the prompt, and - lots and lots of fun.

Maz - This was quite a warm fuzzy, a nippet from their childhood which wasn't terrible. I loved Louisa's answer to the crotchety old man, “Where do we keep the money? Is it locked away?” The characters of both boys really came through here, in Heyes wangling the job of reading, leaving the Kid to do the gardening. A "whale" of a tale!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:03 am

Maz: Nice tale of those ever so formative years. I didn't feel like there was too much scheming going on, but maybe I was more focused on Mr. March. He was the one who learned the lesson here. Everyone, even the smallest person, has something worthwhile to contribute. Too bad the boys didn't have more opportunities for compassion and learning their own worth before the thievery began.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:12 pm

Wichita Red - Oh, I do love when the boys help write stories! I could picture myself in another room of the leaders' cabin listening to the singing outside and the bantering inside. Favorite line - "If you would just, go lie down and stop talking, you could go to sleep. I know I would.” What a fun story! Sorry the boys woke you up so early!

Maz - Oh, you wrote about orphans! I like Louisa - has a lot of spirit. Her line about them asking where the money is kept & if it's locked away is great. Oh poor Jed got the short straw again. Very cute!

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Ghislaine Emrys
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:34 pm


Maz
: That was very interesting as well as rather
sweet, with a dash of humor thrown in. (And what would a story from Maz
be without humor...???) Quite a different take on the prompt--another
idea I wouldn't have thought of--and Mr. March seems a unique character.
This story has definite sequel possiblities! Or maybe--is this a
prequel to the Ranch Days series? Certainly seems like it could
be. I'd also like to know who Louisa is: sister, caregiver, wife?
Doesn't matter, really. Although short, this very nicely introduced the
setting and characters. Favorite section:
“Just because they’re orphans don’t make ‘em thieves.”
“The last two were.”
“Well these aren’t. Jed’s a real sweety and Han is a bright thing, always asking questions.”
“What sort of questions?”
“Where do we keep the money? Is it locked away?”

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 12, 2013 6:24 am

Riders - The way the non-verbal communication was captured was very clever in this story which was very easy to visualise. The insight to the way Big Jim ran his gang, as divide and conquer, using Wheat to keep Heyes in line was smart and all added to the sense of a gang running not quite as smoothly as it should. This made the Kid's actions all the more profound and still very much in character. You got so much into so few words, and the unspoken subtext was captured so well.

WichitaRed - A first challenge? Well done, and I hope it's the first of many. Great dialogue in this one, catching the boys at their bickering best. Great fun!

Maz - I loved the character of Louisa and her response to the grumpy old man, “Where do we keep the money? Is it locked away?” It was really nice to see the boys catching a break, and having somebody trust and defend them for a change. Loved this.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:54 pm

Beejay
Yay, the boss came out to play! And did she ever: “Little Women” meets “Alice in Wonderland” meets ASJ! Quite the romp through the prompt, as the March sisters complain about the March Hare’s mad tea party. And Heyes has no idee what hit him, nor do we! Yes, Heyes, the Bible might leave you with fewer nightmares, except all the marching into battle might make one dizzy. So, what can one say, except this is hilarious and perhaps just a bit confusin’ at first, but oh so fun to read. Welcome back to the challenge, BJ; be that your inimitable style might grace us more often. Clapping!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:51 am

Beejay -- Oh snort, yup reading children's stories can be dangerous. Laughing This was great -- always love it when you join in the fun. I was hoping someone would do something with the March Hare or the March sisters -- but to do both at once -- marvelous! Many great lines. I loved the changing biscuits depending on which side of the pond one came from. Well done.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 13, 2013 4:14 am

Beejay - Inspired madness as one scene morphed into another, I do hope we can hope to tempt you out to play more often. Loved it all, from the biscuits which changed, depending on which side of the pond you came from, to Amy still hankering after an aristocratic nose. Just a tip from someone ex-emergency services - have you considered investing in a carbon monoxide detector? Treacle poker, anyone?
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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:44 am

Beejay - First I thought this was going to be a meeting of the Ex-Outlaw's Appreciation Society, then the names of the attendees struck home. I wondered if somebody would make the "Little Women" connection and if we'd be seeing something of a crossover. But you did the near-impossible - you turned it into "dream" fiction, which I normally hate, and made it believable and amusing. Thanks for the fun start to my long work day!

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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 13, 2013 8:54 am

That was a fun start to the day BeeJay! Thank you for that. I didn't get The Little Women connection until 'Marmee' was mentioned then it all fell together. Of course then the 'Alice' incidents started to come home. I've never even read 'Alive in Wonderland' and I could still recognize the situations.
Poor Heyes really does have too active an imagination--not too mention our revered leader!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:09 pm

Maz - This was a very enjoyable little snippet. Loved that Heyes got to read while Jed had to work. Great job!

Beejay - I really enjoyed this. That last part made me laugh where Heyes is talking about writers of children's stories. Liked the Alice in Wonderland theme. Wonderful writing!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 14, 2013 12:07 pm

It was interesting. And, I have to admit I was completely lost the whole time. I mean I knew were were at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party...and all. But, if trying to read Alice's tale aloud trips up your tongue... trying to read when you don't know the characters does the same to your mind. I see by other posts these characters are known...hmmm -- were they the gals from Little Women? It is one book, I keep telling myself I need to read. It was interesting though. Thanks for posting and I do agree, reading a strange book before bed can mess y'all up. bottle

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 14, 2013 5:34 pm

Beejay I must have eaten too much cheese before bedtime because that all made perfect sense to me.
Although I'm not sure about Kid turning into a cute rabbit. I prefer to have him stay as a hunky cowboy. Heyes as the mad hatter I can definitely see.
Was hoping someone would come along and deal with the insessantly cheery March women too.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 17, 2013 7:44 am

Riders - A wonderful way to show the loyalty which marks the boys out and very exciting too! I agree with Ghislaine that this could be continued and I hope you do

WichitaRed - A first story challenge, and a real good one. Isn't it nerve wracking to post? I'm glad you did though. I had no idea who was singing, but it didn't matter to me, what mattered was the very funny, grumpy bantering between the boys. Lovely first challenge and I look forward to many more.

Maz - I really liked the character of Louisa and enjoyed the way she handled the grumpy old man who thought they were after his money. Poor Kid had to do the gardening, of course, and Heyes got to read. Isn't that always the way.

Beejay - I got so confused with this and had to read it three times! Poor Kid turning into a rabbit? It did make me laugh but I had to look hard to get all the literary references. I hadn't read 'Little Women,' you see. I got all the 'Alice in Wonderland' bits though.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 17, 2013 7:53 am

Beejay - I'm still laughing as this triple crossover. I wonder what Heyes had been eating or drinking to cause these dreams, more to the point -what had you consumed? I can just see that mad hatter with the big, black hat, decorated in a hatband with little silver conchos.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 17, 2013 9:21 am

BeeJay:

Poor Heyes, he really had a disturbed night, didn't he? This was very entertaining and kept me guessing as to where it was going. Little Women and Alice In Wonderland all mixed up in one man's dream. That'll teach him for reading before bedtime.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 17, 2013 9:53 am

Riders:

It is always interesting to read different versions of what happened during those early days in the gang, and what the relationship with Jim was like. Jim sounds smart, I agree with Silverkelpie about his use of Heyes vs. Wheat to keep them in line. I like the use of Wade Sawyer, always wondered how he met the boys and could recognize them. This really does read like part of a longer story; do we have that to look forward to? Lots of things in there for you to work with and the rest of us to think about.

Wichita Red:

Very fun! “I don’t want to flip a coin. ‘Sides I never win at your coin tosses anyway.” Gee, I wonder eho that could be? Lots of great banter. Who cares who is singeing, or is that howling, outside as long as the boys get to needle each other about it. Great first challenge.

Maz:

A lovely story as always. Just the right touch of humor to a more serious tale. Very sad about Mr. March. Were the names Louisa and Mr. March a subtle nod to Alcott? The ending is a delight. Heyes doing something he loves, and the Kid stuck with the back-breaking work! Nice...

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Ghislaine Emrys
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:10 pm

BJ: As is my wont, I'm posting about a story before reading comments by anyone else. So perhaps I won't be as confused after reading what other people have to say. scratch Or maybe not. Anyway, I could tell this was a mash-up of stories but other than Alice in Wonderland, with the Red Queen, I don't know which one(s). Maybe Little Women? I haven't read that book but the girl's names seemed vaguely familiar. Is that where the prompt of March comes in--isn't that the girls' last name? In any case, the Kid was down-to-Earth, as is his wont, and Heyes was thinking too much, as is his. I'm not surprised Harry was in the story--since he is frequently confused, it makes sense! I'm certainly glad it was all only a dream, though. Favorite line was the one about a pig being close enough to a kitty.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:58 am

InsideOutlaw - The 'march of time?' Great take on the prompt, and this is really well written and bittersweet. What an imaginative way of using that old photograph, and this bit of reflection captured the wasted opportunities so well. Great lines. I love, "they had all been golden in those days."
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 12:15 pm

BeeJay - What a great dream mixing up all those children's stories (who wrote those stories for kids - some just don't seem appropriate)! Loved the March girls coming (yep, I knew who they were) and the Alice tea party. Curious what Heyes ate before going to bed for that dream. Very entertaining!

Inside Outlaw - Aww... one is remeniencing about a certain pictures and the other folks in the picture, who he's missing. Love how you don't tell us which partner has grown old. I kinda like to think that last paragraph was him about to join them (like that scene in Titanic). Very sweet and fun to hear how the picture was taken!

SilverKelpie - snirt... a septic tank! What a way to end this challenge. Was very interesting to hear about the Irish funeral march traditions. Seemed like Heyes and Curry had reversal of roles in the beginning. Guess I can see Heyes being more positive and leader-like with the Kid grumbling about the heavy work. Another wonderful challenge.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 1:59 pm

InsideOutlaw - What a sad tale. But I liked reading about the photograph and how he still felt about it. Good use of the prompt. Seemed to me that at the end, he was going to join his lost loved ones. He seemed happy.

Silverkelpie - Wonderful use of the prompt. I loved the last line when we found out what had really been going on. And those poor people were still lost. Loved it!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:20 pm

Inside Outlaw - you have me crying. Okay I have to give some props to reading it while listing to the poignant singing voice of Connie Dover...but ah man I'm crying. I myself, am starting to feel the March and just last weekend was looking at portraits in such a manner. So, the sitting alone reviewing your past and being without children and alone really hit a point. Oh My...to flash so brilliantly in the pan and then to have History March them By rewriting them almost out of the pages. I love your description of the amnesty and each small detail you inserted into this truthfully, honest tale -- so truthful on some many levels. APPLAUSE.. APPLAUSE!!!

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