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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 03, 2013 9:07 pm

Inside Outlaw
Your knowledge of horses and topography of the West really shines through here. This is nicely written and told. Since the boys changed horses so often, I would think it unusual for them to find mounts for which they care in more than a utilitarian sense, but it had to happen occasionally, as here. I liked how Heyes could not let his mare down, just as she was there for him. I’d say they both had a lot of heart. As well, love how Kid found them in the end, just in the nick(er) of time! Well done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:30 pm

Riders - I really enjoyed this continuation of your stories! I can see the Kid would be frustrated, especially with Big Jim trying to keep him away from his older cousin. Leave it to Kyle to be the one with the bag that broke and all the coins spilling out. I really wasn't sure what the Kid would do - go rescue Big Jim or Heyes. What a decision! Well written since I hadn't a clue. Favorite line - "I did, and if I all I can do is bury him I'll do that. I've buried family before."

Thinking more about this story... The Kid showing loyalty to Jim first has to (okay, should) go a long way to make the others in the gang respect him for more than his gun.

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Last edited by Penski on Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:22 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:53 am

Riders, what a clever story! You conveyed the tension very well. I felt like neither Heyes nor Kid were comfortable there. The moment when Big Jim hit Heyes showed the brutality of that lifestyle. You surprised me, too, because I thought this would be a story of how Big Jim was caught, but it wasn't. I like that.

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:06 pm

Well done riders..we needed someone to start us off!
So Kid helpd Jim before Heyes...Didn't see that coming.
The others questioning Kid's loyalty rang true.
Thanks for a nice read.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 06, 2013 10:43 am

Riders
Great start to the month, Riders, and what a difficult decision for Kid to make. I’m going to venture he went to Jim first because the leader’s arm was broken, and he was, therefore, more helpless than Heyes. Can definitely then see Kyle’s going with Kid to help Heyes, but Wheat’s also volunteering was a surprise. Fun phrase, “These boots were not meant for walking” (had just been listening to the song). This is a wonderful continuation to your series, and I hope it continues. Well done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Mar 06, 2013 10:26 pm

Can anyone comment?
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 07, 2013 7:43 am

Maidy! Anyone can comment! We love commenters!! And - welcome!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 07, 2013 8:20 am

Hi Maidy and welcome!

As Calico says, we love comments. I wanted to add, too, that should you be tempted to join, a lot of our members are readers and their feedback is every bit as important as the stories that are posted because their opinions help the writers improve their skills. Good to have you here!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 07, 2013 8:26 am

Riders: Good tale of how the Kid earned his creds with Big Jim. I have to say, I was surprised by his nonchalance at the possibility of Heyes having been shot and killed. I wonder what was going through his mind when he made his choice. Very well-done.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:40 pm

Yes, Maidy you may comment. Welcome to the board. If you have any concerns about posting, I believe some answers can be found under Board News.
Now you others--back off! Don't scare a commentor away!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:32 am

WichitaRed -- Congratulations on your first challenge posting. I warn you it's addictive. I enjoyed your story -- it's very difficult to tell a full tale just in dialogue, yet you managed it. I was having fun guessing who the singing gang member was -- somehow I was picturing Wheat of all people. For most of the story I was not sure which of our two boys was speaking which lines, but it really didn't matter. It was fun either way, and, of course, at the end it becomes obvious. Well done. applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:58 am

Riders57 - thank you for the compliments on my MARCH challenge. I can see how they can become addictive. I thought it was odd to write it this way too. I wrote it out from my notes planning on going back and filling in the who, whats, whens and descriptions. But re-reading it...it really did sound like you were lying in the other room listening to them talk and decided -- hmm, let's see how this rolls. Glad you enjoyed it.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:13 am

WitchitaRed: Congratulations on your first challenge story and a good one to boot! I enjoyed this very much. I could just picture Heyes's growing frustration with his singing gangmember and the Kid's growing irritation with his partner. Like Riders, I, too, envisioned Wheat as the singer for some unknown reason. Maybe because he must've known he was being obnoxious. Fun story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:50 am

WitchitaRed...congratulations on taking the plunge and joining us here.
I could hear the boys arguing over who went outside and knew Kid would save the day.
Looking forward to reading your next one.
We all have someone to beta for us and its a great way to meet new friends (but don't tell my beta that 'cos she's insufferable enough as it is!"

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 2:25 pm

The Long March By Riders57

Just finished this one. I have enjoyed this series although to be honest I have some personal reservations to part of the plot.(But who knows by the time you are done with the series you may clear them up -- that is what reading to the end is all about sometimes) I still very much enjoy the series. I like the way you are portraying Big Jim...he is a mighty character who haunts much of the later stories and I think you do a great job with him. Heyes as always is my fav and I think you do a grand job representing him in you work. The forced March is a great example for this challenge. Thank you for your work and thank you greatly for your continued stories.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 7:09 pm

That made perfect sense Wichita Red! So much so that I could see the boys in my mind's eye going through this argument while trying to get back to sleep, or stepping out the door to stop the caterwauling! Now that you've taken the first plunge, I'm sure you're addicted.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 7:20 pm

Riders - What a wonderful way to start the month! I admit, I was surprised at Kid returning to Jim first. I loved Heyes' smart-alec remark to Sawyer at the end. Great addition to your series!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 7:27 pm

WhichitaRed - A great first challenge story! I had no trouble knowing who was talking. Good bantering between the boys. I liked Heyes' sneaky comment that finally got Kid up. Great job!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:48 pm

Wichita Red
Welcome to the story challenge. It’s great to see you join in. This story is an enjoyable read, made all the more fun by the argument discussion the boys were having -- great banter! I could more or less tell who was speaking, although for some reason, I thought there was going to be a catch here, such as a role reversal. I'm inclined to think the catterwauler was Lobo or Hank, or one of the others; in any case, someone other than Wheat or Kyle. This tune being one of my favorite CW songs, it was fun to see some “new” lyrics (I know very different stanzas beyond the first, but there are a lot of variations on the theme). As others have said, I look forward to many more challenges from you; it is addictive! Well done!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sat Mar 09, 2013 9:02 am

InsideOutlaw - Thank you for your compliments, all feedback is always appreciated. It was Heyes, I swear the woke me up at 2 in the morning with his argument . So I am thrilled you could see his frustration and hear him so well.


]Maz - thanks for commenting. I appreciate it. Have you ever had an across the house or in this case across the cabin argument before in the dark? I have -- too many cousins. So this was easy to write. So glad, the straight forward dialogue was understandable and captivating.

Keays - thanks for your input and yest I think I am addicted to the challenges. We shall see though....but then again as crazy as it sounds, this one came upon me without any thought process. Hmm might need more sleep or might need to worry. [/b] hannaheyes - thanks for the feedback, we all know Heyes is sneaky..so of course he would try on ditch effort of manipulating the situation. The fact that the Kid, falls for it time and time again, shows how much he understands Heyes. I think he waits to see what manipulation Heyes will try before going ahead and doing what he planned to do to help out all along. So what kind of cookies, ya go over there on the dark-side?

Remuda I believe I am going to enjoy the story challenge. Thank you and all of you for making me feel welcome. You are correct it was a discussion. Now to an outsider (which none of us are) it would sound very argumentative. But that is the way the boys are -- Hades who wouldn't be at times after spending a lifetime with another person.[/b] I thought about twisting it - so the readers would go..."oh I thought that was Kid or such" But, no it would have changed the basic format of the tale I woke up with in my head too much. I love CW music have a large collection of it. My fave is Rally Round the Bonny Blue Flag.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sat Mar 09, 2013 9:20 am

Witchita Red, gotta love that CW music. "Bonnie Blue Flag" is a great one, and probably my fave Southern song. Absolute favorite for CW, though, has to be "Battle Cry of Freedom" (aka, "Rally Round the Flag"), although in all martial music, for me, nothing beats "Garryowen." Great genre!

There are a number of CW buffs here on the board; glad you joined up!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:28 am

WhichitaRed - Dark chocolate of course ;) sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 10, 2013 8:49 am

Riders57: This was very believably written, with lots of great moments. Really liked the unsaid conversations between Heyes and Kid--the long looks and thoughtful glances. The part where Kyle asks how Kid and Heyes know each other, and Wheat chastises him, was done well--nice use of the Old West tradition of not asking personal questions about a man's background. Really liked Heyes' speech about Wheat wanting to cause trouble for Heyes and Big Jim liking it that way--yes, it would keep both men off balance and be to the leader's benefit. I can so see Kyle losing the money! Great way to introduce Wade Sawyer--he could definitely be a recurring character in these stories. The ending was satisfying and leaves things open for many sequels (hint, hint). Favorite line: For once he wished the Kid hadn’t listened to him.

WichitaRed: Welcome to the Story Challenge! Yes, it sure looks like you did it correctly, so rest assured on that account. Great use of the prompt--I would never have thought of using the song. The conversation between the boys was lots of fun and very in character. It was perfectly clear to me who was speaking when. I did wonder who was making all the noise--I kinda thought it might be Kyle--but it's not actually necessary to know in order to enjoy the story. Congrats on a well-done first Story Challenge! I really liked these lines:
a) “How in the seven names of hell, am I supposed to fall asleep, listening to that caterwauling?"
b) "If you would just, go lie down and stop talking, you could go to sleep. I know I would.”

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PostSubject: Marching along   Sun Mar 10, 2013 9:43 am

Ghislaine Emrys - thank you for your feedback. Everyone has pretty much been saying which outlaw they thought was the singer. You however, hit the nail on the head - it doesn't matter. I thought by letting each of you picture who it was would make it more fun.

I really wanted you, the reader, to feel like you were in the cabin and if you were, well you knew who was singing. So I did not want to take that away from you.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 10, 2013 7:59 pm

Maz
Not a whale of a tale until the end, but a really nice slice of life of the lads as young’uns. Their later characters really shine here, and their curiosity was appropriately child-like. Great banter, as always, and nice interaction with a disabled man; Mr. March was right on with his calling of their personalities. Can truly imagine Heyes’ scheming to get out of the work in the garden and spending the time reading, even if it was part of the job. Moby Dick, anyone? Great job!

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