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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun May 06, 2012 6:09 pm

Inside/Outlaw -- I enjoyed your story. You managed to take a saying that lends itself to sad/cynical images and make a fun story out of it. Really enjoyed the relationship between the two and the gang's approach to it.

Silverkelpie -- what a sad story. I am glad you left it open as to who had chosen to die for their partner; it allows one to fit it to their own thoughts, while still telling a compelling story. Beautifully written -- very evocative.
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PostSubject: No good Deed...   Sun May 06, 2012 6:26 pm

Oh Silverkelpie; what a sad, sad story. We shouldn't let you have long weekends if it's going to make you this melancholyI guess my take on it is that it's Kid who took the bullet for Heyes just because he says that he wouldn't be protecting anyone anymore, and that was what Kid did--always watching Heyes' back. Very nicely written though and I could really feel things slipping away. Just sad.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun May 06, 2012 7:18 pm

Riders - This is one dark and cynical tale. I can see why Heyes might interpret the Sims incident this way, but I would prefer it if Heyes grew older in a gentler and less jaded manner. Well written and very good story. I just found it very sad. I loved the stark realism at the end when Heyes says, "We weren’t the good bandits, Son; we were just bandits.”

InsideOUtlaw - Very fun story. I love the DHG betting on the fight and carefully observing the partners to see who came out on top. The way Heyes strikes out at the Kid once he knows that he is safe seemed very true to life. Close relationships often find love and hate and worry and anger sliding into one another. Well done.

SilverKelpie - Very emotional and evocative. Beautifully written. If I had to guess, I would think it was Heyes who was dying, but I'm really not sure. One thing is unclear to me. How was this good deed punished? Hmmm... Maybe I don't want to know. No
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon May 07, 2012 6:03 am

Thanks for all your kind comments, Folks. I was trying something very different from my usual stuff.

Sky - The good deed was taking the bullet for his partner and the punishment/consequence was the outcome.

Keays - What!? No more holiday weekends for me? Shocked That's harsh! Is that my consequence for telling a sad story??? Okay. The next one will be silly.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon May 07, 2012 6:49 am

Silverkelpie wrote:


Sky - The good deed was taking the bullet for his partner and the punishment/consequence was the outcome.


Okay, I see what you mean now. (I guess I'm a bit slow lately.) I saw the good deed as giving his life for his partner in which case the consequence would have needed to be something else. And to reiterate, if there is another worse consequence, I don't think I want to know what it is. No
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon May 07, 2012 7:13 pm

RIDERS 57: I like the idea of Heyes reflecting on his history and clearly seeing the reality of what and who he was. He's lost any illusions. This was a good use of the prompt, too. As far as I can remember, the episode with Joe Sims was the only one in which the partners actually refer to doing a good deed. Nice.

INSIDE OUTLAW: I can easily see Heyes making himself crazy with worry and reacting inappropriately when Kid came back, safe and sound. And Kid trying to be calm, and finally getting angry himself. Of course the gang would be taking bets on who would win! I like your descriptions, too, the contrast of the cool aspen grove with the two hot-headed men. Very enjoyable.

SILVERKELPIE: I have to admit, I wasn't sure where the punishment for the good dead was either, but I read your comments, and now I understand. And oh, so sad! I'm glad you didn't identify which partner it was. Really, either partner would do that act for the other. I think it's a better illustration of both their characters, when you don't say who it was. You actually were writing about both men, even though only one is the subject of this story. That's doing a lot in very few words.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue May 08, 2012 9:33 am

ChristinaASJ -- So after reading this story I had to go read your former challenge story to see how you changed the last line. You're right this story works very well for this month's prompt and is very enjoyable. Thanks for posting.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue May 08, 2012 10:33 am

ChristinaASJ: I remember this one. I enjoyed who well-written it was and the ending caught me by surprise. Classic!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue May 08, 2012 1:23 pm

I'm getting behind Shocked Riders, I think I got you in an earlier post.

INSIDEOUTLAW - You nailed the emotions one goes through while waiting for someone who is late. I like how the longer Heyes waited, the angrier he got. His outburst at Kid was obviously a mix of all those emotions. I loved the thought of the DHG making bets and then checking the boys over to try to see who won the fight!

SILVERKELPIE - WOW. What a powerful story, and as others have said, beautifully written. Also very sad. Throughout reading it, I found myself having internal arguments as to which one it was. I first thought Kid, because of the part of not protecting anyone anymore. But then, I thought maybe Heyes, since 'it was right that he should go first'. Either partner would have done that to save the other. I'm still in debate over it!


CHRISTINAASJ - Having only been here about a month, I hadn't read this before so I'm glad you put it here. I loved it! (And not just because of Heyes in the tub!) The last line was my favorite,...the sheriff's daughter! Fun story!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 09, 2012 7:12 am

HannaHeyes: Good reference to one of my favorite episodes. Of course word would've flown around Junction City that Heyes and Curry were in jail and people would've come to see them! Very clever tie in.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 09, 2012 8:34 am

HannahHeyes; Oh how nasty of that man to use his daughter as bait! Now he was either really stupid, or he knew enough about Heyes and Curry to know that they wouldn't hurt or or just abandon her, still quite a risk to take for money!
Got quite a laugh out of Heyes getting his ear shouted off. Obviously doesn't spend too much time around children. Great use of the prompt and a fun story. Thank you
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 09, 2012 11:28 am

Riders - I noted some of the other comments and I got the impression that there was not a truly close relationship between Heyes and the person interviewing him - and I definitely got the impression he was being interviewed. A great link to one of my favourite episodes and Heyes clearly had a hard life. He sounded Jaded, cynical and tired. I loved the line, "We weren’t the good bandits, Son; we were just bandits.”

InsideOutlaw - I suppose we've all wondered who would win in a fight - a real one. This showed that even when they fight they can agree to differ and find a way forward. A fun late with a great last line.

Christina ASJ - I remember this story, so I settled down to enjoy another version. Thankfully my memory is bad enough to make this good and fresh. I loved the tale of the sheriff's daughter and trouble she got Kid into.

Hannaheyes - Oh! What a dirty trick! Using the little girl to trick them like that, knowing they would never leave her to fend for herself. Adored the scene where she yells in his ear. Are you going to follow this up? You can't leave the boys - and Heyes' 'antique hat' in jail.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 09, 2012 7:49 pm

ChristinaASJ - I remember this story! Very fun and certainly appropriate to this topic. I think that my favorite part was the muttering sheriff apologizing. I'm glad that you posted this so that we could enjoy it again.

HannaHeyes
- There is something really slimy about a father using his child in this way. It gives me shivers to think about it. You left them in jail! Hmm... how will they get out? Will you be telling us?
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 09, 2012 10:14 pm

Thanks for the nice comments sunny

And yes, I am currently contemplating a continuation of it sm

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PostSubject: Mailcall   Thu May 10, 2012 6:06 pm

InsideOutlaw. Well, like I said I had a little trouble finding your story, but I finally did! So typical of me! Great story and really good angst. I like the idea of Heyes having a network of informants that he can turn to when needs be--but of course he does have to pay them, no wonder they never have any money left. But I agree; information is power. Thanks for writing and posting! Good read.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri May 11, 2012 9:21 am

Silverkelpie: Well, this was certainly a depressing read! However, you conveyed the man's thoughts very well and gave just enough hints to make me unsure of which partner was actually thinking them. Well done!

ChristinaASJ: I did remember the story but I like the new ending a lot. It really does fit the prompt perfectly! And I love the idea of recycling a story--it makes writing so much easier, huh?!

hannaheyes: Great idea for a story and excellent use of the prompt. Also really like the tie-in to an episode. Love this line: "Why don't you relax your mouth a little." and the name of the girl's father: Pa.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri May 11, 2012 11:31 am

HannahHeyes -- well this month's challenge prompt does seem to lend itself to dark, angsty stories, doesn't it? You did a good job, could picture it in my mind as I read it. I like the initial interaction with the little girl, resulting in her blasting Heyes' eardrum. I do hope you have a theory for how they get out of this mess, and share it with us. Good use of the prompt.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri May 11, 2012 1:00 pm

Ghislaine - sorry my story depressed you. It would appear that my muse this month was short and very, very dark. I wonder if I was influenced by all the black cats????
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Fri May 11, 2012 5:12 pm

Silverkelpie: I meant depressing in the sense of very sad, not that I didn't like the story. I thought it was very well done, but heartbreaking and bleak. Yes, it must be all those darn cats!

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PostSubject: White Lightening   Fri May 11, 2012 5:34 pm

HannahHeyes; that was a fun story--laughed out loud on a few occasions. Poor squrril, hopefully he/she will be having a good home at the zoo. Favorite lines; 'What's in the box mister?' 'Aggrivation.' and 'That squirril's better at esacping than you are!' Loved Kid laughing at Heyes getting 'hat hit' and of course the ending was classic--who could blame the Kid? I mean--really!
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PostSubject: what?   Sat May 12, 2012 7:23 pm

Hm....am trying to post a comment on Hannah's story (to the effect that it was a neat little take on the prompt and I hope there's a sequel) but something's not letting me use my name. Hm.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun May 13, 2012 8:09 pm

Finally able to catch up on my reading and commenting for the May challenges while on my deck watch the evening slowly take the place of day over Lake Tahoe. Hey, is that the Cartwrights, Ben, Hoss and Little Joe riding by? I heard they lived a few miles up the road. Oh, couldn't be since they're long gone and some developer has the Ponderosa ranch shut down and decaying. Back to the stories...

Riders - Bounty Hunter is one of my favorite episodes and you did a wonderful job incoporating it with No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. Loved how you repeated the word professional - I could almost hear Sims saying it. And that effected the guys so much I can definitely see them hanging on to that memory.

Inside Outlaw - Love a good outlaw story and this is one of them. I sure can see Heyes getting all worked up and Kid's “I ain’t talkin’ to you when you’re like this, Heyes.” And what boys fighting out their aggrivation with each other. Favorite lines -
Heyes snorted. “Maybe so, but I also realize that no good deed goes unpunished and you get punished a lot!”
Kid eyes narrowed at that comment while he thought it over and then he grinned at the truth of it, “Yeah, I sure do.”

Silverkelpie - sniff... sniff... Can someone please pass the tissues? I'm gonna guess Heyes because of these lines - Watching another death would have made that ugly world engulf him in an agonizing, oppressive thunderhead of delirium. It would have eaten his sanity in a cannibalistic frenzy of desperation. It was right that he should go first and that the stronger partner could live on.

Christina ASJ - Christina is being environmentally friendly and recycling a story! Loved it back then and still love it. Very cute!

Hanna Heyes - Kid can't resist a kid and for good reason in this story. Too bad he didn't listen to his partner's warning, though. Loved these lines -
"Sweetie, what's your Pa's name?"
"Pa."
Hey, wait a minute, you left them in jail! An unfinished story, methinks.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 16, 2012 7:02 pm

Riders57: I liked this 'interview' even better than Heyes's. Kid sounded so relaxed in his own skin-self aware but comfortable with the choices he's made and he's so right--good deeds are worthwhile no matter what the consequences. Nicely done!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 16, 2012 7:11 pm

Thanks Hanna. I have moved the post to furry fiends--that's where I should've posted. Embarassed


Last edited by InsideOutlaw on Thu May 17, 2012 5:52 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : moving to another spot)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed May 16, 2012 9:46 pm

RIDERS - I liked Kid's view on things. He doesn't sound as cynical as Heyes, but, what he says about Heyes' interview just proves he knows him inside and out. And I agree with both Kid and Inside Outlaw, good deeds are certainly worthwhile.

INSIDE OUTLAW - I'm so glad you and the little Corgi found each other! Furry family members make life more fun sm

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